Thoughts

I don't post deep, or even semi-deep thoughts on here very often.  There are a few reasons for that.

One is that I think nobody cares about what I have to say.  If there is something that I am passionate about, I am probably the only person passionate about that certain subject.  Now, I know this isn't true, but at the same time, I don't like going to people's blogs and reading them if all they are posting are deep thoughts that I can't really relate to.  I get bored and usually leave the blog before finishing the post.  I prefer to read about simpler things.

Another reason is because it's not my personality to be "deep".  I don't take things too seriously.  I like that about myself.  I can step back from a situation and tell myself to get over it because it's not that big of a deal when you look at the big picture.

This being said, I've had some things on my mind that I don't really know any way to get them out other than to blog about it.  So in advance, I apologize if you don't care, if you're not interested, or if you're annoyed.  You can feel how you want, and you can navigate away from my blog.

I've been questioning my testimony of the church lately.  I keep asking myself the question, "Do I really have a testimony?"  After much thought I've come to find out that my testimony is a lot stronger than I like to let on to people.  I don't like to get too into my testimony because I tend to get emotional.  Yep, I'm a cryer.  And to stay away from crying, I stay away from sharing or thinking about my testimony.

Recently... Ok so over a year ago, some close family friends left the church.  At first I was shocked.  These were people I had looked up to.  People who I loved to be around.  The mother of the family was once my Young Women's leader and her lessons always helped me to feel the spirit so strongly.  When I was having a really, really hard time in high school, she took the time to take me out to lunch and to talk to me.  She understood how hard it was for me to talk to my mom about what was going on, mostly because my mom never truly understood me, or at least I felt that way at the time, and this woman knew I felt that way.

Shortly after their leaving of the church I would hear little pieces of what shook their testimony, and it seemed like they were trying to get others to follow them.  It seemed so strange to me, how can you go from being a strong church member, to hating the church?  Hearing the things they say gives me mixed emotions.  I feel personally attacked, like I'm doing something wrong for believing what I believe.  It's like they're trying to get me upset and to argue about religion with them.  Of course, I never have, I usually just shrug it off and let it be.  But the thoughts always stick in my mind and I think about how I know what they are saying isn't true.  Their fall out from the church has actually increased my testimony.

Sometimes they'll post things like "Us Christians believe ___."  Half the time it's what I believe too but just a bit off, and I don't understand why they feel the need to distance themselves from the real truth.  The thing that has hit me the most is that they now believe that you can do whatever you want and you can be saved.  In part, that is true.  Jesus died for us all, the murderer and the saint.  But, wouldn't you rather be the saint?

Let's say the church isn't true, hypothetically speaking.  Even if it isn't true, what's wrong with being the best person you can?  What's so wrong about following Jesus by showing love to others, serving others, and obeying the commandments?

I think it comes down to them not feeling like they were ever good enough, and now they've found a religion that tells them they are.  To me, it sounds like your house caught on fire and instead of doing everything in your power to get out unscathed, you just sit in the flames and wait for the firemen to come.