Another draft I never posted....
Please stop asking Lance and I when we are going to have kids.
I REFUSE to be a working mom. When I was young, my mom had to go back to work because we didn't have enough money. It was so hard on me. I'm sure it was hard on my other siblings as well. We never really discussed it because we knew she had to. I feel like my younger siblings were deprived of all the good things that a stay at home mom does. It was so nice to have her walk me to the corner every morning before school, and meet me at the corner after school. It was nice to have her there to help me with my homework after school. I was taught to do my chores before playing. Then, when Dad would come home we would spend time together as a family, not in front of the TV, but around the dinner table, outside in the yard, or singing around the piano. That's how it should be. That's how I expect my family to be.
Lance and I are not in a position for me to quit my job. Lance's job doesn't provide benefits. How do you have a baby without health insurance? Not only that, but if I quit my job we won't have enough money to pay our bills, let alone pay for the things necessary to live, such as, um, I dunno, food?
So let's say I forget about all that and keep my job. I REFUSE to put my child in day care. I worked in day cares for two years. It's just not happening. I will raise my child, NOT a stranger who happens to also be watching 10 other kids. No, I don't want my mom or Lance's mom to raise them either. Not happening. It's not the grandparents' responsibility to raise my child, it's mine.
I'm 22 years old. Why is it even necessary for me to even think about having kids? Yeah, I've been married for three years. So what? If I'm not in a position to have a child, I'm not in a position to have a child. Not only that, but I don't even have the desire right now. Why should we have kids to make other people happy?
You can say, "Oh, everything will just work itself out." That's nice. I like to have plans. I don't like to make a huge decision and then just hope it works itself out. I'm sure the Lord will let me know when the time is right. But the time isn't right. When it is, I'll let you know.
PS: When I do have kids, I'm totally having twins.
Ah, I totally agree! I wouldn't want a stranger raising my kids either. Have kids when YOU want to have kids. It would be so easy to just have a kid to make other people happy, but it would be for the wrong reasons. You're young, you've got time to pop some kids out.
ReplyDeletei much prefer having kids in a planned fashion too, and you're right, you're still so young!
ReplyDeleteLive it up while you don't have kids! I'm not saying that I wish I didn't have kids but you don't have the freedom you used to WITH kids. Your life changes (in a good way) but once you have kids, there's no turning back into how it once was.
ReplyDeleteYou have NO ONE to prove but yourself. If you're not ready at this time to have any kids, then FINE! You shouldn't have to explain that to anyone.
I know it can get annoying and that it's generally not the intent of those interrogating to make you feel frustrated. I always get the question of "Do you think you'll have any more?"
My response, "NOPE." Some women laugh and agree when I tell them that, others appear sad for my blatant answer, as though I'm not falling through with the Lord's plan for us to have ginormous-sized families. I have my very personal reasons for believing we are done with children at this time. Who knows, maybe the Lord will change that and when that time comes, I'll face it head on.
You and Lance (and the Lord, of course) know what's best for you during this time. Though everyone else has good intentions and, at times, be super nosy, just remember that no matter what they think of you, they aren't YOU.
*Have you read the first quote under my header? I live by that thing*
Anyways, sorry for the novel-sized post! :P Good luck with everything!