What?!

I found out yesterday that I am having a baby girl.

Awwww.

We have a few pictures of her, include one of her bum and legs.  She already has fat rolls on her legs.  It's dang cute!

This was the third ultrasound. I've had one at each appointment.  It's been nice.  I like seeing the baby and making sure it is alive, y'know?  I worry.

Also, I really like my doctor.  She is so nice and helpful.  I suppose all doctors are.

I told Dr. Jones about all the headaches I've been having (one a day!), and how I never used to get headaches in the past unless it was caffeiene withdrawal, but that I had quit caffeine back in January.  She told me that I could either take Tylenol or drink a Dr. Pepper each day (I told her Dr. Pepper was my favorite). 

Me: I don't want to get addicted again!  And I try not to take pills if I can.  I've only taken Tylenol twice this whole pregnancy.
Dr Jones: "Well, don't make yourself suffer!  I think you'd be OK with 1 or even 2 cans of soda each day."

Then we talked about Sunkist and how that has caffeine, and that maybe I should drink that.  She's just a cute doctor.

Anyway, my official ultrasound is October 24th.  That will be the one where they look at the baby from head to toe and make sure everything is developing.  And perhaps they will tell me that it is a boy and not a girl.

It's not that I don't want a girl.  I'm happy either way!  I just really felt like it was a boy.  Guess my intuition is whack.

I also had the feeling I'd have twins.  (Or maybe that was just me wanting twins.....)

But anyway, it's time to prepare for Lily!  I'm clueless.  I also don't really feel like doing anything.  It's still not real to me.  And I hate organizing.  Oh and my scrapbook room is full of crap.

We did purchase two large packages of diapers, and I did start my registry about a month ago.  That's about as much as I feel up to.  I think I'd rather wait until January to start really doing things.  Any objections?

Success...Question Mark?

I have planned the menu for bunco!

Goodness, cooking for 12 is not an easy task.

They can choose between Wisconsin Cauliflower Soup and Chili.

I'll have garlic toast.

I'll have a (boring) salad.

And we'll have some really easy coconut cookies for dessert.

Recipes will be on my food blog after the party... and after I make sure they turn out.

I like to experiment.

Uhh, now I need to figure out prizes.

I usually don't procrastinate this long, but it's been a dramatic month.  Leave me alone.

Ok, I'm Ready to Wake Up Now!

I have the ability to control my dreams.  I can't choose what to dream about, but I can change the dream if it isn't going my way.

For example, I used to have this recurring nightmare as a child where this crazy guy would come to my house.  We would lock all of our doors and hide as if we weren't home.  And he would climb on the dog house and wait for us.

Nothing really bad happened in the dream, it was just a scary dream.

After having the dream a couple of times, I was able to change it or wake myself up when I could tell it was starting.

I've done this with many dreams in the past, whether they are recurring or not.  If a dream takes a turn that I don't like, I can wake myself up, or change it.

Well, life, right now, feels like a dream.  And I'm ready to wake up or change it.

Tomorrow my parents will be back in Pleasant Grove.  And I will frolic with my sisters in their giant back yard.  We will sit around the table and play Life Twists and Turns or Imaginiff.  Then I will cook some sort of experimental dessert.  Then Dad will ask us to watch a movie with him.

Lance's dad will be back as well, and we will go to Olive Garden and talk about whatever we feel like talking about.

My baby will just already be here because it's taking too long.

I think this is the first dream I have no control over.  I don't like it.

Starting to Feel Pregnant

At least, what I think pregnant feels like....

I have constant pressure in my lower abdomen.  Sometimes it hurts, like cramps.

I get a lot of headaches.  Before quitting caffeine, the only time I had headaches was when I had caffeine withdrawal, now it's practically daily.  But it's never bad enough to have to take Tylenol.

I'm always hungry.  It used to be, if I had Cafe Rio for lunch I wouldn't need to eat for the rest of the day.  Now if I have Cafe Rio for lunch I still need to eat again about 4 hours later.  Also, I can't work through my lunch break, I can't think clearly without food.

I get dizzy if I stand up too fast.

My nose is always stuffy.

My eyes ache as if I haven't slept in days.

It hurts when my dogs step on my stomach.

On a scale of 1 to 10, my patience used to be a 4, now it's a zero.  Luckily Lance is already perfect so he doesn't get yelled at very much (if ever).

I still have 25 weeks to go.  I bet it only gets worse.

Food

Sometimes I stop feeling sorry for myself.

On those brief occasions I think about:

My favoritest fruit in the world!

And guess what?  They're soon to be in season!  Yippy-ky-yi-ay!  Donations gladly accepted.

I'm hosting Bunco next Thursday.  No clue what to cook for dinner.  Haven't been in the mood to cook.  I'm thinking I want Lasagna.  I want to try to recreate the amazing lasagna I made a couple of weeks ago.  I also want to have a salad that will taste like Olive Garden's.  But then again I also want my "regular" salad.  Which is mixed greens, some sort of fruit (apples, grapes, pears, possibly pomegranate?!), crasins, and a touch of cheese (such as freshly shaved parmesan), served with a vinaigrette of some sort. I also want garlic-cheese toast.  I'm thinking about making peach crisp for dessert, but it doesn't really match the Italian theme, and thinking about eating those things together kind of makes my stomach flop (It could be a pregnant thing).  I need to think of an Italian-ish dessert, or else plain ole ice cream it will be!

Fat

That's how I feel.

My stomach is starting to stick out.

Any time I eat something, it increases by four inches.  Not even exaggerating.

I threw up last week.  I thought it was because I had a bite of a cold leftover burger, and because I was working hard making delicious snacks for a tailgate party.  However, today while doing my hair I started to get light headed and dizzy, just like when I threw up.

So I went and laid down for a minute and I realized that when I threw up last week I had just finished styling my hair, and I haven't styled my hair since then.  So apparently, I get lightheaded and dizzy when I style my hair (because my arms are up?) which causes me to become nauseous.  Very strange.  I'll take it though.  If that's the only time I'm sick I'm fine with it.

Why?

One question I don't know will ever be answered; Why?

Why, after waiting four years to have a child, did my family have to leave?

Why, while I'm pregnant and shortly after my family left, did my father-in-law have to pass away?

Why?

What am I to learn from this?  That I'm supposed to be alone?  That I'm supposed to be sad?  That when things start to be OK something worse happens?

WHY?!?!

We went to dinner with Lance's parents Wednesday night.  Thursday afternoon he was gone.  Why?  Nothing was out of the norm. Why Thursday?  What made that day special?  Why was that the "right time"?




Dad was so excited to meet our baby.  He loved babies.

Dad always listened to whatever I had to say.  He made me feel like I was one of his own.

He gave me my best friend, who I know will be a great husband and father like he was.




I can't help but be angry, sad, confused and bitter.

I Remember

If you've posted a fake pregnancy announcement due to the latest "breast cancer awareness", I don't hate you.  However, I find it inconsiderate.

Think about those who are pregnant.  Those who cannot get pregnant.  Those who have miscarried.

Pregnancy announcements are not a joke.

It's also as unrelated to breast cancer as cheese toast.

Besides, OCTOBER is breast cancer awareness month.  Why not start a trend for 9/11 remembrance?  Something like... posting where you were when you heard the news that changed America forever.

I was 13, getting ready for another day of 8th grade.  I was listening to the radio, The Morning Zoo. I didn't understand.

When I got to school, my homeroom teacher had the news on, as did every other teacher in the school for the rest of the day.

I got the opportunity to go to New York 11 months after.  There were large holes in the ground where the towers once stood.  Roads were still shut down all around.  The Subway was still out of commission.  Steele from one of the corners of one of the towers had been left in place, formed into a cross.  Trinity church had thousands and thousands of photos of missing people.

I will not forget.

Had to Laugh

I'm eating my lunch right now.  It's delicious homemade lasagna that I kind of made up myself.  I'm really sad that I didn't pay attention to everything I put in here because it's the best lasagna I've ever had!  (Sorry mom.)

Anyway, I had to giggle as I walked past the other offices with a plate full of pickles as my side vegetable for the day.

So cliche.  Right?

I promise it's not a pregnancy craving. I simply like pickles and I always have.  This isn't the first time I've kept a jar of pickles in the work fridge, and I'm sure it won't be the last.