Sad

I'm about to travel to the valley of the shadow of death.

When I get back, my sisters won't be there.

Getting Ready

Our house is getting more and more ready for our little one!

Today the plan is to get my mom's room ready.  We need to move out our office furniture, move in a futon, and find something like a dresser for her to put clothes in.

I'd also like to deep clean my bathrooms.

Lance needs to hang up the super cute shelf I painted!

The colors match the dresser I painted.

Her room isn't quite organized... but it's really close!

Oh, and we need to pack our bag for the hospital.

I'm feeling great! I think Lily has dropped a bit because my pelvic pain has worsened. A lot.

I'd like a pedicure, but my feet are so swollen I'm afraid they'll be grossed out.  On the other hand, maybe there are people out there with feet that are more gross.  Or maybe they don't care because they're getting paid.  I should just do it.  I'd feel better about my toes that I can't really reach, comfortably.

Oh, and we're purchasing a car seat and stroller today.

Here is a picture that is two months old, but I like it... because that's the last time I looked pretty cute.

Tough Call

My appointment went well today.  Blood pressure is fine.  Feet have grown two sizes.  They are really bad today, but I'm not surprised... because of how much I've been on my feet lately.

My doctor said that since I had blood pressure problems in the past, normally they would induce me one week before my due date.  She then asked how I felt about it.

Lance, being anxious to meet our baby girl said, "The sooner the better, right?"

I hesitated.  Then I said, "I... don't want to be induced if I don't have to be."

My doctor then said that because I've been looking so good lately, that I might not need to be induced, but that it would depend on if my blood pressure stays looking good or if it starts looking bad.  She says lots of people start having blood pressure problems near the end, so I, since I've already had blood pressure issues, will just have to watch it carefully and see what wins.  Labor first? Or dangerous blood pressure first?

On one hand, I'd really like to have Lily early.  I mean, who wouldn't?  40 weeks is a long time to be pregnant.  Obviously I'm uncomfortable, physically, but is that really enough reason to have them induce me?

I'd like to go into labor on my own.  I want that experience.  I don't want that taken away from me.  I want to spend hours in labor at home with Lance, using techniques we learned in class.  I want to be 6 or 7 cm dilated before I even arrive at the hospital.  I want the hard part to happen at home, where I'm comfortable.  I don't want to be hooked up to IVs and other things that are giving me medicine that does what my body is supposed to do naturally.

Also, once you start the medical interventions, you don't stop.  One thing leads to another, and the next thing you know you've taken something that is beautiful and natural, and turned it into something medical and not natural at all.

If my life or Lily's life is in danger and inducing me reduces that danger, then fine.  But if I can do it on my own, I will.

Ugly

Can someone please tell me why my arms, legs and face have to be fat?  That's just mean.

I have never in my life had to lose weight, and I'm afraid I won't be able to.

Yes, I love exercise. I hate dieting.  Losing weight is more about diet than it is about exercise.  You can exercise all you want, but if you're eating crap it won't do you much good.  This is a real concern for me.  I am way too concerned about my looks, I know.

I've been fat for months now, and I'm afraid it won't ever go away.  Ugh, it's so ugly! It just needs to go away!

Being pregnant for Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's, and Valentine's Day was a bad idea.  What do all of those holidays have in common?  Junk food.  Garbage. Over eating.

I'm seriously considering starting up Insanity before Lily is born.  Maybe it will put me into labor.

Sometimes I edit what I'd really like to say on here.  But not today.  This is how I feel.  I feel ugly.

Watermelon?

My baby bump ticker says Lily is the size of a watermelon.  I don't think so.

Anyhow, I'm feeling much better today.  I got to talk to some family members at this lovely shower that Katie threw for me.  Thanks Katie!

I realized that my mom is going to be here for four weeks, and maybe I'll be wanting her to get out and away for a while.

In other news, nesting has hit, full blown.  I have sanitized every surface in my kitchen, and Lance shampooed all of our carpets upstairs.  I still have a lot to do, but I'm trying to start with one room, get it perfect, then move on to the next room.

Maybe I'll go into labor tomorrow!

Considering how amazing I feel right now, I doubt I'll be going into labor any time soon.  Lily will probably be a week late.

I have no back pain. My pelvic pain is now bearable...  maybe I've just gotten used to it.

Anyway.  My break is over.  Back to cleaning!

Anxiety

Last night the elephant-itis of my feet came back, with a vengeance. They're still swollen a bit this AM.  I didn't check my blood pressure, but I'm sure it was very high yesterday.

I was very stressed at work.  Not because it was busy, but because I'm sick of trying to train someone who is un-trainable.  If you're wrong for the job, you're wrong for the job, no matter how much I may like you as a person. I don't really want to go into a lot of details, but let's just say I am extremely ready to be at home, not thinking about work, for 6 weeks.

Our Ford we purchased is really nice!  I was actually really surprised.  The interior isn't a weird color at all, but the tan steering wheel bothers me a bit.  That can be covered, though.  When I first got in, in smelled like a brand new car.  The upholstery looks like it's barely been sat on, if at all.  It just feels brand new, even though it's a 2010.  Our little girls had a good time going for a ride in it, they just kept smelling everything.  If you didn't know "our little girls" are dogs, that last sentence might sound odd.

I called my sisters yesterday.  I was feeling homesick.  I chatted with Emilee for a while.  She's going to Universal Studios Orlando in a few weeks.  I'm so jealous!  That place is so fun.  She'll have a great time.  I hope she takes lots of pictures and posts lots of funny stories on her blog, in her own hilarious way.  I also called Elise.  She is moving out of my parents' house today.  I can tell she is a little nervous.  It IS scary living on your own.  She talked about how much money she had to spend on just hygiene items.  I told her she should start couponing because you can get a lot of stuff for free or super cheap if you're smart about it.  But yes, buying all new makeup, deodorant, hair styling items and shower items can be very expensive if you're buying it all at once.  I don't think I ever had to make that transition all at once because I started buying my own special "color treated" shampoo and conditioner and my own makeup when I got my first job at 16.  I think she'll be OK though.  I just wish she was moving back to Utah, instead of to New Jersey.

I lost my composure on my way home from work last night.  I was listening to the radio, trying to drown out my own thoughts.  Lily was being extremely active.  I just started balling.  I don't know how I'm supposed to have my first child without my family nearby.  They're on the other side of the country and they never call me.  I feel like I'm not missed.  I feel so alone sometimes.  I just want to go to my parents' house and hug my dad.

This has nothing to do with Lance.  He is always here for me, but I'm afraid to talk to him about it.  I'm afraid he'll say something like, "at least you can talk to your dad."  How can I cry to him about missing my family when his own father has passed away?  Yes, my family is still alive, but your dad is with you more than you realize, and mine is never with me.  Your sisters and/or mother call you every day.  We see them at least once a week. I only get to talk to mine when I call them, and half the time they don't even answer.

My mom is coming in two and a half weeks.  You think that would give me some comfort, but it doesn't.  She keeps talking about going to see her friends and old ward.  That just makes me feel like my house will be her hotel and I'll never see her.  It makes me want to call up my grandma and ask what she did for my mom when my mom had babies. It stresses me out to think about it, so I just try to not think about it at all and pretend like she isn't coming.  I'm not sure what to expect, so I'll expect nothing.

I've started planning some meals that I can make double of and freeze half. That way when I'm not up to making dinner, Lance can put it in the oven and we can have a nice dinner that doesn't consist of frozen pizza or fast food.  I'm trying to keep everything as clean as possible so it won't be messy when we bring the baby home.  The nursery isn't quite ready.  I just don't know where to put things.

I don't know how to be a mom. I'm so scared.

Valentine's Day

Last year I didn't care about Valentine's Day.  Lance and I were in the middle of saving up money for our big Florida trip that we took last spring, and we were also talking about trying to get pregnant and all that fun stuff.  So... we didn't really celebrate it at all last year.  I think Lance got me a cute card and a cute picture frame and stuff, but I wasn't really in the mood to celebrate it.  I just didn't care.

This year, I thought that I should try a little harder to make a big deal out of all the silly holidays.  I think it will be fun when my kids get older, if I already have been making an effort to make holidays more fun.  So, on Saturday I made those crazy whoopie pies.  Crazy, because they took so long.  I even used a little heart-shaped cookie cutter and made them into heart-shaped whoopie pies.  They sure were cute!  I gave some to Lance's family, my family, and some friends.  It was a little weird, since I haven't really given people Valentine's gifts since elementary school...

Sunday we went to dinner at Sizzler with Lance's family.  That was their family Valentine's party.  It was nice.  I really like Sizzler.  I love their salad bar.  I crave this crazy tuna salad that they have.  It would be so easy to make at home, but sometimes going out to eat simple things is nice.  I also like their broccoli salad.  Again, simple to make at home, but Lance wouldn't like it so I'd have to eat the whole batch myself if I made it.  Unless... I pulverized the red onion into the dressing.  I'm so doing that.  Shh! Don't tell!

Monday we went to Taco Amigo for dinner because I had a wicked craving for their fries.  Seriously, the best fries in the state.  They're my weakness.

So that brings us to Tuesday, Valentine's Day.  I woke up, like normal, rolled myself out of bed (Love that visual?), waddled my way downstairs to let the dogs out.

Lance had set up this cute display of gifts in a very clean kitchen.  I was most happy about the clean kitchen, complete with the garbage taken out and all of the dishes washed.  I have a lot of handwash only dishes (That's what happens when you buy fancy kitchen gadgets.).

Bentley and Layla each got me a card, and they signed it with their paw prints!  It was so stinking cute!

After work, I came home and got started making Lance's favorite meal.  Or, as close as I possibly could make to his favorite meal.  He loves the Chicken Parmigiana at Olive Garden.  I personally, am not a fan of breaded chicken.  But, since I love Lance, I decided to make Pioneer Woman's version of Chicken Parmigiana.  Lance seemed to really like it!  I actually enjoyed it quite a bit!  It was pretty simple to make as well.  I have referred to her chicken parm recipe before, many times, for just the marinara sauce part.  It is so simple and so delicious!  To go with the chicken parm, I also made a knockoff versin of Red Lobster's Cheddar Bay Biscuits.  Those are incredibly easy and even more addictive.  Be careful!  It was a wonderful dinner. 

Then I gave Lance is present, which was the complete Star Wars set on Blue Ray.

Yes, I must really love him, since I don't give a hoot about Star Wars.

Today we got ourselves a very big present!  We got a silver 2010 Ford Edge from the car auction.  I am very excited, even though I haven't seen the car in person.  Lance has, and he test drove it yesterday.  He says the interior is a weird beige color, but I'm not going to be picky.  We got it for $3,000 LESS than the actual trade-in value.  Finally, a car that we won't be upside down in our loan!  Yes, we went over our budget of $10K, but not by very much.  I am incredibly pleased with how we did.  Never again will I buy a car from a dealership.  Never, ever, ever again.  Why would we, when we just saved $5,000 by going to an auction?  I'm so happy I could dance!

But, that would look funny.

Not Tired?

Today (Saturday) I got up and got ready for the day, at a pretty normal time, 8am.  That's just 45 minutes later than a week day!

I went through all of our coupons that we have for baby stuff, and other items we needed. 

I made a detailed shopping list.

I gathered items we needed to return and items we wanted to exchange.  Y'know, duplicate gifts and such.

I made lunch.  Really, I didn't make anything.  I put together a couple of sandwiches, got out some broccoli florets and veggie dip (I made the dip previously), poured a couple of glasses of apple juice and... got out a couple of bananas.  Good lunch!

Lance and I went to Walmart and returned items, and shopped for more items.

We took our car to Lube Doc to get our oil changed.  While we waited for our car, we walked around Shopko.  After we got our car back we took it to get a car wash.  On the way home, we stopped at Little Caesar's for a pizza.

I zoned out in front of the TV, watching the Food Network shows I recorded.  I believe I watched Restaurant Impossible, Sandra Lee's Chocolate, and Pioneer Woman.  Then I decided to make the Whoopie Pies from Tammy's blog.

I started that at 8:00pm.  Being dumb, I didn't make sure I had all the ingredients before starting, and I had to make a quick run to the store to get more flour.  I was 1/3 cup short!

Anyhow, I just finished the pies about 15 minutes ago.  So that means I was working on them for 5 hours.  My feet hurt, but I'm not tired.  I should be tired, I think.  My feet aren't even that swollen! Ok, just kidding.  I just looked at them, and I have no visible ankles.

Anyway, now I have a freezer full of delicious whoopie pies filled with a raspberry-flavored filling.  They are good.  I have no idea who I'll be giving all these pies to, though.  I didn't realize I was making a billion.

So much for partial bed rest.  I think tomorrow I will take it easier.

Except that I'd like to shampoo the carpets....

Embarrassed

Sometimes I post things without really thinking about who will be reading it.

That being said, thanks Emilee and Katie for updating your blogs!  I was so happy to hear from you, but also embarrassed.  But hey, at least I had something to read today!

Come On, Friends!

I need something to do during my lunch break. I can only take so much of Facebook, and it doesn't nearly fill 15-30 minutes.

I enjoy reading blogs.

PLEASE UPDATE YOUR BLOGS! 

I think you all have interesting things to say.  We're all interesting in our own ways.

That is all.

Almost!

We almost purchased a used car today.  Almost.

We have a friend who owns a dealership.  So, they said they would help us out and take us to these car auctions.  We get to log in using this friend's ID and password and see what cars will be available at the auction.  Then on Tuesday we have the opportunity to go up to where the auctions are (I can't remember where they are, somewhere up north), and test drive the car or cars that we are interested in.  Then the auctions are on Wednesday.

Last week, we weren't sure about the whole process, so we went to dealerships in the Utah County area and shopped around.  Not finding anything good in our budget (which is pretty low, $10K), we decided to give the auction a try this week.

We had it narrowed down to two cars, a 2007 Jeep Compass and a 2007 Kia Sorento.  They both have under 100K miles on them, and both are in good condition.  We decided that we liked the Kia better because it has upgraded options (leather interior, sun roof, etc.).  Then we found out the the 2007 Jeep Compass would be auctioned off before the 2007 Kia Sorento.

That stinks.  That really stinks.  The car you want most should be auctioned off first, so you can see if you can get it in your price range.  Then, if not, you have that other car you can still bid on.

But no.  Jeep was auctioned off first and went for $7K.  Well within our budget, but we didn't bid because we wanted the Kia.  The Kia went for $11K.  Barely over budget.  Lame!!  And then we didn't have another car to bid on after that.

So here's hoping for next week's auction to go a little better, and here's to hoping that we get a second car soon!

I'd rather not increase our budget.  Even though we could afford to, who knows where we'll be financially after I start working from home.  Those details aren't completely smoothed out yet.  I don't know if I'll still be full time and salaried, or if I'll go to 35 hours/week.  That tiny 5 hour difference... can I do it?  I'm not sure.

Also, this $10K is through our awesome credit union, and we're getting an interst rate of 2.9%.  Awesome!

Twice A Day, Every Day

Hiccup, hiccup, hiccup.  Lily always seems to be hiccuping!  She gets them three times a day, sometimes!  I really like it. :)  She has them right now, that's really why I'm writing this.

Lance's sisters and mom threw me a baby shower on Saturday.  They are so nice to me.  It was really great. :)  I feel so unworthy!  At the baby shower, I told everyone I was 36 weeks.  Then I got on here and saw that I was only 35 weeks.  Ugh.  Can I turn my internal crock pot onto high and cut this remaining cooking time into half, or even a third?  Would it be dangerous for me to start running around and doing jumping jacks when I'm at 37 weeks?  And by dangerous, I mean, would it set off my toxemia symptoms again?

My nonstress test on Monday wasn't as perfect as my tests in the past.  Lily was moving a ton, but her heart rate wasn't increasing, so they had to keep buzzing me with this annoying little tool.  I felt bad for my baby.  We both just wanted to be left alone.  So, since I was hooked up for an hour and her heart rate only increased one time, we had to do a biophysical.  I believe that's what they called it.  It was basically an ultra sound where they have to observe the baby doing certain things within a certain time period.  It took about 5 minutes, since Lily is doing just fine. :)  She kicked and wiggled, and "breathed", and everything just fine.  It was so nice to see her, since I haven't seen her since my last ultra sound which was a few months ago.  She looked like she was putting her fingers in her mouth.  So cute!

I had a visit to my doctor yesterday and that went well.  I got the lovely Group B Strep test.  I don't know my results yet.  I also got checked to see if I am effaced and/or dilated.  Boy oh boy, I was happy to hear I'm 50% effaced and 1cm dilated, even though I know it doesn't *really* mean that I'm closer to delivering than a lady who isn't dilated at all.  Some people dilate faster than others.  However, I said to Lance, "This is great. If the first centimeter was painless, maybe the next 9 will be too!"  Not likely.  And honestly, it hasn't really been painless.

Is it normal to have pelvic pain any time you get up from sitting down, or turn over in bed?  I mean, I can feel my pelvic bones popping in and out of place, and it is so extremely painful.  It also hurts when I'm walking around, but not as much as when I have been sitting or laying for a while and then I get up.  Can't they just stay popped out of place?  Why pop back in? Just stay apart, it's fine!

Another Meltdown

Last night I made taco salads for dinner.  They were wonderful!  They weren't really anything special, but they really did hit the spot.

I used a taco seasoning packet for the meat, so that isn't anything special. We used store bought taco shells and crushed them up (halfway through making the meat and rice I realized we didn't have any tortilla chips...).  The wonderful part was the the dressing I made... Yummm!  I wanted to make Cafe Rio dressing, but halfway through I realized that I didn't have cilantro.  How do you make Cafe Rio dressing without cilantro?  You don't.  But the dressing I made was basically ranch dressing with tomatillos and lime juice in it.  It was awesome!

Anyway, on to my meltdown...

In the past I discussed with Lance a house rule I would like to have.  The rule is that everyone at the table must try at least one small bite of each item that I have prepared.

This rule comes from my extreme pet peeve of picky eaters.  I cannot stand them.  ESPECIALLY if they "don't like" things that they haven't even tried.  Seriously?  How do you know?  Because it looks funny?  Really?  Give me a break.  These people really get under my skin. (I shouldn't judge... I know...)

I am very passionate about this.

So, when Lance didn't put any rice on his plate, I said, "You have to have a bite of rice, it's the rule."  He argued and complained.  "I asked you why you made rice!" he said.  I don't remember what I said, but it doesn't matter why I made rice.  I don't care that he hates tomatoes, and tomatoes happened to be in the rice (it was Mexican rice, after all).  A rule is a rule, and just because all of a sudden I'm serving something you aren't fond of, doesn't make it any less of a rule!

He didn't eat any rice.  I cried.

I cried for hours.

The issue isn't really about the rice.  Lance is a big boy, and I'm not trying to change his food preferences.  But here is where extreme feminine thinking comes in: I linked him not eating that rice, to us having a four year old who wouldn't eat their dinner, and Lance not backing me up in making our child eat at least some of their dinner.  I imagined Lance asking me make the child something else to eat.  I refuse.  What's for dinner is for dinner.  If you don't like it NO you can't have cereal, NO I won't make something else.  You can go to bed hungry.  End of story.

I'm a mean mom because I will not raise malnourished, picky eaters.