Optimism

Here is a started entry from this week that I never finished.



I have to be honest.  I'm fighting extremely hard to not have a nervous breakdown.  Every single day I can feel myself slipping closer and closer.  The only thing I can manage to tell myself is, "It could be worse."

I can't lie to myself.  It CAN be worse.  My problems and struggles in life are not harder than anyone else's trials in life.  Everyone has their fair share of ups and downs.  I never want to be the person who thinks they have it the worst, because I know I don't.  But I do know that my limits are being pushed, and pushed hard.

I have no one to blame but myself.  I decided to keep my job.  Granted, I decided that for nothing other than insurance benefits, but still, I chose this.  I chose to have a baby. I chose to buy this house.  These are all self inflicted trials.

On the other hand, there are other things going on that are completely out of my control.  Lance's mother is not doing well.  I haven't really posted about it because it's kind of a sensitive subject.  It has brought a lot of tears.