Tired

I'm depressed.

I'm thousands of miles from "home." I'm hours and hours away from family. I'm on the opposite side of the country as my few friends.

How does one even make friends? This is obviously not my strong point, considering that I'd say I have 2 real, close friends.

I hate small talk.

And please don't ask how I'm doing unless you honestly care.

I don't even know why I'm blogging. I think I just need someone to talk to.

I want to go to the temple. But I'm afraid. I either gave to go alone, or find a babysitter so Lance can go with me. I don't really want to go to a new temple alone, but I suppose whether or not I'm alone is irrelevant. I'm just a baby. And the babysitter thing, well, what do I do? Call up a teenager I don't know? I just don't get it.

I'm not feeling the Christmas spirit. It's difficult when your husband has been unemployed for nearly 6 months.

I have lots to be happy about. I have lots to be grateful for. I'm just tired.

I'm tired of not feeling settled. I'm tired of worrying about the future. I'm tired of feeling like I don't matter. I'm tired of needing money. I'm tired of not having friends to go out with. I'm tired of not being able to go on dates with my husband. I'm tired of needing a haircut, but not wanting to spend money on it. I'm tired of not having what we used to have as far as possessions and income. I'm tired of working until 1, 2, or 3am (6am last night). I'm tired of stressing about finding Lily a doctor. I'm tired of sitting alone in Relief Society.

I promise to be more positive next time I post.