Compliments

I get really insecure when I give someone a sincere compliment and they don't respond.



I think that's really rude of the other party.  But it also makes my mind go crazy and wish I'd never complimented them in the first place.



And now I have hidden this certain someone on Facebook, because I can't take seeing their posts.



And no, this is not the first time they've personally offended me.



One time I was having a conversation with them, and while I was in the middle of telling them something, they stopped listening to me, and started texting on their phone.  So I just stopped talking in the middle of a sentence.


They didn't notice.


The end.

Happy Birthday, Lily!

You probably won't remember today, but I think you enjoyed it.


Seeing your face light up makes my day.  So seeing it light up over and over again was simply magical for me.






Today you got to meet some princesses.

You got to meet Belle, but Mommy and Daddy didn't take a picture of it.  I think that's OK though, because you haven't even seen her movie yet!

You started calling for Cinderella while she was visiting other children.  You were so excited to meet her!

Then Ariel headed our direction.  You started singing, "Under the sea! Under the sea!"  It was pretty dang cute. Ariel complimented the "sea flowers" in your hair, and on your shoes.

You didn't want to be bothered by Mom and Dad, you just wanted to talk to the princesses!  But Mommy and Daddy kept telling you to look at us and smile.


Ariel was followed by Aurora.  You didn't know Aurora's name, and you just called her "Princess."

After Aurora visited with you, you saw your favorite princess: Snow White.  But, before Snow White could make it over to you, she had to leave for the parade!  You held hands with Ariel and walked around the castle, dancing.

I'm not sure you understood what was happening, but Ariel helped you greet your loyal subjects.

Then you got to meet Snow White.

You showed Snow White your birthday cupcake and birthday card, and she kissed it!  Then you showed Snow White the fire place behind us.  She reminded us that it's important to always keep our fire places clean.

Inbetween princesses, you had a few bites of yogurt, maybe 1 grape, and half of a cupcake.

Mommy and Daddy had pastries, eggs, bacon, sausage, hash browns, bagels, strawberries, grapes, an assortment of cheeses and a few other items that I can't remember.  It was a delicious breakfast!  We understand that you had more important business to take care of than eating.


Afterwards we went and rode your favorite rides at EPCOT: Journey Into Imagination with Figment, and Finding Nemo.

We were all pretty tired at this point, so you and Mommy went home and had a nap, while Daddy had to go to work.


After your nap, you helped mommy make your "Happy Birthday Cake!"  It was Fun-Fetti with hot pink frosting, and lots and lots of sprinkles.  We put three candles on top.  You were very excited to show it to Daddy when he came home.


We ate dinner, sang "Happy Birthday" and had cake, then you got to open some presents.


Happy birthday, Lily! I hope you had a great day.

Lily's Party

I can't believe Lily is turning three.  It's just crazy to me.  I love my little girl, I don't want her to grow up. I want her to stay little and cute and fun.

It seems like I have felt this way at every milestone.  The first being 1 week old...

At some point I'm hoping I'll realize that Lily will always be little and cute and fun, no matter how old she is.

I wanted to have an actual birthday party for Lily this year.  At first, I planned for it to be a St. Patrick's Day theme and in searching on Pinterest I was finding a lot of rainbow stuff, so I changed it to be simply a rainbow theme.

On the back of Lily's invitation, it has another picture of Lily and it says:



"We'll be having a colorful lunch and decorating cupcakes. Maybe you'll find treasure at the end of a rainbow!"

Then it has our address and my phone number.




Our "colorful" lunch is going to be veggie pizza.  I'm going to cook up a couple tubes of Pillsbury Crescent Rolls dough, but leave them all connected, like a crust.  For the sauce I'm going to make a modified, thicker version of my favorite copycat Cafe Rio dressing.  Basically I'll be using sour cream instead of mayo and milk. I'll also be leaving out the hot sauce.

Then I will have a tray covered in veggies, laid out like a rainbow. We'll have an arch of finely diced tomatoes, an arch of grated carrots, an arch of yellow bell peppers, an arch of cucumbers, an arch of broccoli, and if I can find it, an arch of purple cauliflower.  On the side I'll have grated cheese, and diced scallions, just because I like those things on my veggie pizza.  Each child can put whatever veggies they want on their crust.

I am doing it this way because I am very aware of picky eaters because I am married to one.  Originally I was going to make the pizza in the shape of a rainbow.

We'll also be having a fruit salad with a citrus glaze.  I was going to layer it like a rainbow, but I'd rather have it all mixed in so it's not hard to get all the fruits.  We'll have strawberries, oranges, pineapple, blueberries, and purple grapes.  The citrus glaze is made by boiling sugar, water, citrus zest and citrus juice. Simple, but delicious.

Today I practiced the rainbow jello I'll be making.  Today I made it in a 9X13 pan, but for the party I think it would be better if each toddler had their own cup, so it will end up looking more like this:

I hope I can find small, see through cups to use! I think the ones pictured are too large, and I currently have some to-go containers for dressing but I think they are too small.

I guess worst case scenario I make enough for each toddler to have two dressing-sized containers!



I purchased some paint palettes for the cupcake decorating!  I'm really excited about this.

The cupcake will go in the center, and each divot will have different colors of sprinkles in it.

I also bought a candy that looks like a rainbow, so they can put it on top.

The end product is something like this, but with sprinkles:

But, they are toddlers, so we will see what happens.


The treasure hunt will be really simple.  It's basically, find the red balloon, find the orange balloon, etc.  The treasure they will find is gift bags filled with fun stuff for them to take home.  In the gift bags I put a mini bottle of nail polish, a 4-pack of crayons, a tiny coloring book, and a rainbow sucker.  We did invite one boy, so I made a special bag for him that has two rainbow suckers and no nail polish.



So yeah, lots of work.  So far, it might just be Lily and 2 other toddlers, and I'm OK with that.  I only bought enough stuff to have 10 kids, so I'm stressing about either no one showing up, or too many people showing up.


Heck, I'd like to come to this birthday party!

Goal Update - February

I think I'm doing pretty well with my goals. I'm not perfect, but, I honestly don't expect to be. So. Yeah.



Monthly Enrichment night
I didn't know what we were dong for enrichment night in February.  I was planning to go, but then I got a headache right before it was time to leave.  I texted a friend in a ward, asking her if she knew what they were doing.  She said they were going to watch the movie Legacy.  I decided I didn't want to watch a movie alone in a room full of people.

I kind of regret that decision.  I saw pictures of the event, and Meredith, the former Primary President was there, and I could have chatted with her a little bit.

Next month, I'll try again.

I made this goal because I knew it wouldn't be easy.  Gotta keep trying!



Cook dinner 3 times a week
Still failing on this one. But, due to a recent discovery, I have found my motivation and I'm going to kick this goal's butt.

Last week I cooked dinner 5 nights.  5 nights!  I don't think I've done that since... before we left Utah.  Wowzer!

I have dinner planned and groceries purchased for Sunday and Monday next week, and on Monday I'll need to go shopping for the rest of the week.



52 Week Money Saving Challenge
Still on track! I can't take any credit for this. Lance takes care of it all...




Monthly date night
We went out for Valentine's Day!  Yay! We went to dinner with Angie and Jake Peacock. They are an awesome couple in the ward.  They are so easy to talk to, and I felt like the conversation just flowed.

I'm extremely held back by social anxiety. I don't want to go out with people because I feel like no one likes me. This is legitimately how I feel. I am not saying this to get attention. Deep down I know otherwise, I just can't reach those deep down feelings most of the time.



Weekly crafts with Lily
We made Valentine crafts for my two Grandmas and my mom.  Still haven't sent them, so... they're now going to be random love notes in March.

YOLO.



Clean something (in my house) every day
I deep cleaned Lily's room. I emptied her closet, drawers, and toy box. I went through everything. I sanitized most of her toys, and I organized everything.

I've had to do a lot more cleaning in Lily's bathroom since she sometimes gets poo and pee in places other than the potty.

I deep cleaned my bathroom.

Cleaning more has made me want to decorate more! I purchased new shower curtains and rugs for the bathrooms.  Lily chose a lovely turquoise and white color theme for her bathroom, and mine is black, white, and red. I'm so boring.



Remember friends' and family members' birthdays
February birthdays were my sister in law, Laura, and my friend, Betty. Gifts were late.  They haven't been sent yet, actually.  Ugh.


March is Lily's birthday, and I'm planning a birthday party for her.  Last year we didn't throw her a party. We just had cupcakes and presents with the three of us.  I felt really guilty so this year I'm making an errort.

Problem is, we don't have family here, and I can't help but feel like no one will show up.  I'm putting all this time, money, and  effort into a birthday party for again, just the three of us!  Ugh.  We'll see what happens.  We're taking invitations to her nursery class tomorrow.

Secret Dual Life

I can remember a handful of times in my life when I was depressed.

The problem is, I don't realize I have a problem until I'm no longer depressed.

And then, because I'm no longer depressed, I'm afraid to see a doctor for fear they'll think I'm making it all up.  Which, is where I am currently.

I realize I need help. I feel no shame in getting help.  I just fail to connect how to get help while currently not needing it. ...?  Does that make sense to anyone?



One article a friend posted on Facebook really resonated with me. It woke me up to the issues I've been having for at least 7 months, maybe longer.

The Secret Dual Lives of People Living With Mental Illness

This is my life.




I can look through past blog posts, text messages, and remember conversations I've had with people where I have told them about what a mess I am at home, while at the same time appearing put-together and "normal."


But the reality is, for the past while, I haven't wanted to go anywhere, do anything, clean anything, cook anything. The things I used to love (crafts, cooking, makeup) became a burden. To sit in my bed and sleep all day would have been heaven.

I blamed it on being tired because of work.



But that was simply not true.  It had nothing to do with my job.



Lance would always tell me I'd feel better if I got out of the house more.  Perhaps that is true, but how do I get out of the house when I feel like I'm carrying 500 extra pounds around?


It was easier to get out of the house while Lance was home, and not because he could watch Lily while I got ready. But because it was his idea to get out of the house. I was going because he wanted to go, not because I wanted to.


I can't even explain properly how I felt because I don't understand it myself. All I know, is that this is not normal, and that I need to get help somehow, because I absolutely cannot let myself get that way again.  I deserve better, Lance deserves better, and Lily deserves better.

Yesterday was a good day.  I wanted to get out of the house. I wanted to be around people.  I went shopping with Lily, I cleaned bathrooms, did dishes, and made dinner.

Small accomplishments for most stay at home moms, but a HUGE accomplishment for me, as I haven't done those things in months.