Memories - Part 1

Every few months I get in a slump where I get super negative, hate everyone, and don't want to do anything but sleep. I'm trying to figure out ways to get out of it. Logically, I feel retarded and that I shouldn't feel sorry for myself. I know I'm just being emotional and stupid, and I hate it! But emotionally I can't get a grip on myself. No matter how much I know I'm being retarded and that it's all just in my head, I can't seem to shake the negativity away. So, I've come up with a new plan.

The plan is to write out a few memories from the happiest times in my life. So, each time I feel a slump coming on, I'm going to post some of my favorite times in life, favorite things, things that make me happy, etc. That way I can focus on all the positives I've had in my life, rather than focus on the negatives that surround those positives.

I was thinking about happy memories on my way to work today, and it really helped put me in a good mood for the moment. Also, I had good memories about pretty much everyone I know. So hopefully writing this won't only have a positive effect on me, but it will also let others know that they have had a positive effect on me, thus making you feel good about yourself.

The Memories
1. CKJLMT. It stands for Carly, Camille, Kristen, Kaylynn, Katherine, Jenn, Latisha, Misty, Tiffany. That was my "group" when I left Santaquin. Camille came up with the letter order, and we used to doodle it all the time. One of my user names I use on the computer, is still CKJennLMT. So if you ever wondered what it meant... there you have it.

2. Moving from Santaquin to Pleasant Grove was an incredibly hard time in my life. I had a huge circle of friends who I had to leave to come to this place where I knew nobody. Well, before I left Carly wanted to hang out. It wasn't very often that I hung out with someone other than Camille outside of school so I felt a little awkward at first, but Carly is so sweet that the awkwardness went away fast. We walked to Carly's house and when we got there she rang the doorbell. I was thinking in my head, "that's random". We went downstairs and ALL my friends were there. I think Carlee Haws and Sydney Degraw were there too.... remind me if I'm wrong. The only significance of that was that they were from Payson, and everyone else was around my neighborhood. Anyway, they threw me a surprise farewell party! I had never felt so special in my entire life. We played games and just hung out. I don't know if I ever told them how much that meant to me.

3. I don't know why this one sticks out so much right now... but here goes. When I was 14 or so, Tenille and I got bored one day and decided to go to mutual looking like "punks." Tenille was super nice and did my hair in dreads. It took forever, but it looked awesome! She was so patient, and spent all the time we had on my hair, so we didn't have a lot of time to make her hair cool. It made me feel pretty special that she would do that for me. We also put on a lot of black makeup, and wore all black. I think I wore a black/purple flame shirt, and she gave me some pants and shoes to wear. I specifically remember a leader (can't remember which one) asking me what was wrong, and I told the leader that I had a bad day. But, the truth is, I didn't have a bad day, we were just bored. I think we ended up looking more like goths than like punks. But hey, it was a fun bonding experience.

One more for today:

4. Spring of 2002, I was 14 years old, Emma went to Florida to stay with her sister for a while. I don't remember how often she called me, but I remember I was talking to her on the phone one day, and I told her that I was going to a movie with Lance. Lance, at that time, was just a friend to me, but I did sorta like him. Well, Emma said she had a secret to tell me. She told me that Lance liked me. I was so surprised, and excited that I started to cry! I was so excited that this boy that I liked, actually liked me back. I am so grateful for Emma telling me that. Emma really is the one to thank for getting Lance and me together. But, that's a memory for another day.