Numb

The election is over. This week at work has been extremely slow, and instead of working through it, I've been taking it easy and leaving early.  It's been nice to be able to recover, spend time with Lance, play with Lily, and to actually be awake and alert during the day.

I sorted my three month build up of laundry. That was fun.  I wiped down our couches, dusted, and vacuumed the downstairs. It was disgusting.  Don't ask about the rest of our house.

We had our first mouse.  Lance went upstairs to get some food for Lily and saw it run from the cupboard to underneath the stove.  Two days later it was caught in a trap we had set in the pantry.  Still not sure if there are more, but we've left the traps up just in case.

I haven't started cooking again yet.  One thing at a time!  I have lots of yummy meal ideas pinned on Pinterest though.  I'm still recovering from my two months of hell.

I'm pretty lazy.  If I have one thing planned for the day, that is the only thing that will happen.  For example, today I went visiting teaching.  So, that's why I'm putting off sweeping and mopping the kitchen floors for another day.  They're so dirty, one more day isn't going to hurt anything.

Lily.  Oh my goodness, that girl!  She crawls all over the place, and she likes to pull herself up onto her feet using the bottom step of the stairs.  She loves to clap and she loves to babble as if she's talking to us.  She still loves to nurse, and she'll cry for it even if she's not hungry.  I don't mind. I enjoy it because it's the only time she'll snuggle with me.  She loves to eat.  If she's full and I'm eating, she needs to be eating as well. She loves feeding herself.  We started giving her little things she can pick up and eat like small pieces of cooked carrots, bits of banana, those yogurt bites you can get at the store, and the rice poof thingies that dissolve quickly.  She gets upset if we try to feed her baby food.  I can just hear her, "Come on, give me some texture here!"  Her favorite toy is still a rattle.  She likes to shake it and throw it.  Of all the toys she has, something so simple makes her happy, and I love it.

I've joked about just getting her wrapping paper for Christmas.  A - She's not going to remember Christmas, and B - she likes interaction with us more than she likes toys.

Lance's mom.  Not good.  I had a strong feeling to see her yesterday instead of working, so we did.  We stayed there for quite a while.  She was asleep until the last 5 minutes.  I could tell she knew we were there.  I smiled at her, and all she could do was raise her eyebrows.

Yesterday Nicole told us that Carol hadn't eaten in two days, and has been sleeping a lot. Carol can't mentally process much. She doesn't really understand what's going on around her, and has called Nicole "mom" a few times.  Today, her hospice nurse said that from her experience, Carol has 3 to 7 days left.

I'm not sure I want to celebrate Thanksgiving.  One part of me thinks we should celebrate Thanksgiving, and give thanks for the lives that Carol and Jerry lived, the amazing children they raised, and the wonderful example of acceptance and love they have shown me. 

The other part of me wants to stay in bed all day and cry. 

If I didn't have Lily, or a job, I would.