This is my last week of maternity leave. I'm scared.
My job isn't physically demanding, but it is attention demanding. If an email comes in, it needs to responded to within 10 minutes. If checking is ready, the tables need to be out within the hour.
I'm not worried about doing the schedule. Emails come in all day long for it, but it doesn't need to be ready until 3:30 or 4pm.
What if checking is ready and that's when Lily decides she's starving and needs to eat for 40 minutes?
I bought a Moby Wrap, but Lily screamed her head off when I tried to nurse her hands free while using it. I'm going to keep trying all week though, because I don't have any other ideas... I can't check tables and/or use a computer keyboard while nursing a baby.
Lily did enjoy just hanging out on me in the Moby though, for a little while. I think I'll be able to "wear" her while I'm working for periods of time. I'll alternate between that, nap time in her bassinet, time in the swing, and time in the bouncer.
She actually enjoys sitting in the bouncer and staring at the TV. It's quite cute.
I don't want to neglect her. I don't want to make my job more important than her. This is going to be so different because, honestly, my job has been my number one priority for the last 5 years in my life. I'd go to work and dedicate 100% of my attention to my job. Now it will only get 60% at the most, and that's while Lily is sleeping.
Monday, April 16, 2012
Insanity Day 1 - Again!
I'm sure everyone who reads this will just be thrilled to read that I started Insanity again today.
Of course the above statement is sarcasm. When I do Insanity, do I write about anything else? No. Why? Because Insanity is so incredibly hard that it's practically impossible to not boast about the progress I'm making. And work out journals are a great way to keep yourself going in your workout program. You can read how far you've come.
So, while I can't promise that I won't get obnoxious and post every day about how I'm doing with Insanity, I will promise that I'll write about other stuff too. I mean, hello, I have a little angel in my house now, and I don't mean Layla. XD
So. As a recap... I stopped Insanity over a year ago. My last fit test was in March of 2011. So as a comparison, here are today's results compared to the results of the last time I did the fit test.
Switch Kicks (2 kicks = 1 rep):
March 2011: 42.5 Current Day 1: 30
Power Jacks:
March 2011: 53 Current Day 1: 31
Power Knees:
March 2011: 88 Current Day 1: 60
Power Jumps:
March 2011: 32 Current Day 1: 15
Globe Jumps (four jumps = 1 rep):
March 2011: 9 Current Day 1: 6
Suicide Jumps:
March 2011: 13 Current Day 1: 6
Push-Up Jacks:
March 2011: 23 Current Day 1: 11
Low Plank Oblique:
March 2011: 46 Current Day 1: 15
Those numbers don't mean anything to anyone but myself. But what it means to me is that I have a LONG way to go before I'll even be close to my pre-pregnancy fitness level.
I also have 32 pounds to lose. Let's see what 60 days does this time.
Of course the above statement is sarcasm. When I do Insanity, do I write about anything else? No. Why? Because Insanity is so incredibly hard that it's practically impossible to not boast about the progress I'm making. And work out journals are a great way to keep yourself going in your workout program. You can read how far you've come.
So, while I can't promise that I won't get obnoxious and post every day about how I'm doing with Insanity, I will promise that I'll write about other stuff too. I mean, hello, I have a little angel in my house now, and I don't mean Layla. XD
So. As a recap... I stopped Insanity over a year ago. My last fit test was in March of 2011. So as a comparison, here are today's results compared to the results of the last time I did the fit test.
Switch Kicks (2 kicks = 1 rep):
March 2011: 42.5 Current Day 1: 30
Power Jacks:
March 2011: 53 Current Day 1: 31
Power Knees:
March 2011: 88 Current Day 1: 60
Power Jumps:
March 2011: 32 Current Day 1: 15
Globe Jumps (four jumps = 1 rep):
March 2011: 9 Current Day 1: 6
Suicide Jumps:
March 2011: 13 Current Day 1: 6
Push-Up Jacks:
March 2011: 23 Current Day 1: 11
Low Plank Oblique:
March 2011: 46 Current Day 1: 15
Those numbers don't mean anything to anyone but myself. But what it means to me is that I have a LONG way to go before I'll even be close to my pre-pregnancy fitness level.
I also have 32 pounds to lose. Let's see what 60 days does this time.
Monday, April 9, 2012
One Month
I think it's funny how 10 months of my life seemed to drag by while I was pregnant. Then all of a sudden, as if someone hit fast-forward, the last month sped by. I feel like I've come so far from the emotional, squishy, depressed, sleep-deprived person I was four weeks ago.
Lily is doing great. The first week home from the hospital was hard because of how much pain I was in, how tired I was and how emotional I was.
The next two weeks were hard because I felt like all I was doing was nursing. I'd nurse for 40 minutes, and she still wouldn't be full. Nurse, nurse, nurse. I almost gave up and went to formula because I was sick of sitting around nursing! But, I didn't. We're still formula free.
Last week was hard because Lily seemed to have a tummy ache every single day. Fussy, fussy, fussy. All she wanted to do was cry. She'd cry any time other than when she was eating, and it caused her to over eat, and spit up several times. But I'd rather have that than have her sit there and fuss at me. I don't really believe that what I eat could cause her to have a tummy ache, but my mom seems to. So I decided that I just would live on vitamins. Not really, but that's what I felt like doing. I made no restrictions in my diet, and in the last few days she hasn't had any tummy aches. Just a phase I suppose.
Saturday night Lily slept through the night. She slept from 10pm to 7am. It was crazy. I didn't sleep through the night because I kept waking up expecting her to wake up. Lance and I both checked her on her a few times. When I checked on her at 7am, she was wide awake in her bassinet, just looking around, hanging out, being mellow. It was awesome!
Easter Sunday we got our first real smiles. Lily normally smiles in her sleep, but Lance was holding her and talking to her and she looked straight at him and smiled. Twice. It was so cute! Later that day, after I fed her, I was just talking to her and she looked me straight in the eye and smiled. It made my day! Happy Easter/one month birthday to Lily indeed!
Last night she didn't sleep through the night, but she slept for 6 hours. I, however, could not sleep. That wasn't fair. I just laid in bed, wide awake, for what felt like all night. When she woke up at 6am I was wide awake and ready to start the day. But after feeding her, I got tired, and then I finally slept... until 11am. When I got up at 11, Lily was still sleeping. She's a really good sleeper. Now if I can just get it timed so she sleeps good stretches while I'm working, we'll be golden.
I still have two weeks until I go back to work, so I'd rather not think about that now.
I was going to start Insanity today, but waking up at 11am kind of ruined that. I can't work out in the afternoon or evening. Well, I mean, I can't do Insanity in the afternoon or evening. It needs to be at the bum crack of dawn or I will throw up. So, instead, this week I'm starting to eat better, then next week I'll start working out.
I'm down 15 pounds since I came home from the hospital. I have 32 more to lose until I'm pre-pregnancy weight. This really bothers me, but I guess this is my reality so I'll deal with it. I've been the same weight for two weeks in a row now, so I don't think that nursing is helping any. Although, I think I lost an inch off each thigh. Thank goodness, because they were HUGE! Can you believe the ONLY place I got stretch marks was on my outer thighs? Not on my tummy... my thighs. That's where I gained most of my weight.
Lily's hair is RED. I thought it was strawberry blonde, but it is RED RED RED. I think it's pretty, but Lance is in denial. Apparently he doesn't want a red-headed child. Too bad for him! I just hope she doesn't get my fair, freckly skin...
My mom leaves tomorrow. I'm scared. Now I really have to be a mom. I have to figure out how to take care of Lily, myself, my house, and my husband, while working 35 hours a week. I'm not sure I can do it. One step at a time, I suppose. And I realize some days will go better than others. Here's looking at the next chapter in motherhood...
Lily is doing great. The first week home from the hospital was hard because of how much pain I was in, how tired I was and how emotional I was.
The next two weeks were hard because I felt like all I was doing was nursing. I'd nurse for 40 minutes, and she still wouldn't be full. Nurse, nurse, nurse. I almost gave up and went to formula because I was sick of sitting around nursing! But, I didn't. We're still formula free.
Last week was hard because Lily seemed to have a tummy ache every single day. Fussy, fussy, fussy. All she wanted to do was cry. She'd cry any time other than when she was eating, and it caused her to over eat, and spit up several times. But I'd rather have that than have her sit there and fuss at me. I don't really believe that what I eat could cause her to have a tummy ache, but my mom seems to. So I decided that I just would live on vitamins. Not really, but that's what I felt like doing. I made no restrictions in my diet, and in the last few days she hasn't had any tummy aches. Just a phase I suppose.
Saturday night Lily slept through the night. She slept from 10pm to 7am. It was crazy. I didn't sleep through the night because I kept waking up expecting her to wake up. Lance and I both checked her on her a few times. When I checked on her at 7am, she was wide awake in her bassinet, just looking around, hanging out, being mellow. It was awesome!
Easter Sunday we got our first real smiles. Lily normally smiles in her sleep, but Lance was holding her and talking to her and she looked straight at him and smiled. Twice. It was so cute! Later that day, after I fed her, I was just talking to her and she looked me straight in the eye and smiled. It made my day! Happy Easter/one month birthday to Lily indeed!
Last night she didn't sleep through the night, but she slept for 6 hours. I, however, could not sleep. That wasn't fair. I just laid in bed, wide awake, for what felt like all night. When she woke up at 6am I was wide awake and ready to start the day. But after feeding her, I got tired, and then I finally slept... until 11am. When I got up at 11, Lily was still sleeping. She's a really good sleeper. Now if I can just get it timed so she sleeps good stretches while I'm working, we'll be golden.
I still have two weeks until I go back to work, so I'd rather not think about that now.
I was going to start Insanity today, but waking up at 11am kind of ruined that. I can't work out in the afternoon or evening. Well, I mean, I can't do Insanity in the afternoon or evening. It needs to be at the bum crack of dawn or I will throw up. So, instead, this week I'm starting to eat better, then next week I'll start working out.
I'm down 15 pounds since I came home from the hospital. I have 32 more to lose until I'm pre-pregnancy weight. This really bothers me, but I guess this is my reality so I'll deal with it. I've been the same weight for two weeks in a row now, so I don't think that nursing is helping any. Although, I think I lost an inch off each thigh. Thank goodness, because they were HUGE! Can you believe the ONLY place I got stretch marks was on my outer thighs? Not on my tummy... my thighs. That's where I gained most of my weight.
Lily's hair is RED. I thought it was strawberry blonde, but it is RED RED RED. I think it's pretty, but Lance is in denial. Apparently he doesn't want a red-headed child. Too bad for him! I just hope she doesn't get my fair, freckly skin...
My mom leaves tomorrow. I'm scared. Now I really have to be a mom. I have to figure out how to take care of Lily, myself, my house, and my husband, while working 35 hours a week. I'm not sure I can do it. One step at a time, I suppose. And I realize some days will go better than others. Here's looking at the next chapter in motherhood...
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
10 Days Old!
It's been a week and a half since Lily was born.
I cry a lot. Mostly about how the person who looks back at me in mirror looks. I wasn't prepared to look like this. I look better today than I did on Wednesday, when I first saw my reflection. Wednesday through Saturday last week were the hardest. I didn't want to see myself. I asked Lance to take down all of the mirrors in the house, and he just laughed at me. Then I cried more. I was serious.
I guess I expected to look about how I looked at Sierra's wedding. Just a little soft around the edges. But no. I looked 7 months pregnant, just squishier, flabbier, and more swollen.
The swelling finally went away a couple of days ago, and I look a little better. But my waistline really needs some work. Due to how "torn up" I was, I'm afraid to start exercising until that really heals. It still hurts and stings sometimes, but I've weaned myself off of all the pain meds that they had me on, and only use the witch hazel and numbing spray now. I'm hoping I can ease into Insanity in the next week or so. I'm thinking about just doing the warm up for the few weeks before my 6 week visit. Then, assuming an OK from my doctor, start Insanity for real at that time. Then hopefully I'll go back to looking normal.
I love baby Lily though. She is so sweet. She's a good baby. I only really hear her cry when Grandma changes her diaper. My mom has really cold hands. Lily doesn't really cry when I change her. She loves to be bundled, but likes having her arms free so they can be by her face. Most of the time when she's sleeping, she sleeps on one of her arms. It is very cute!
At her 4 day appointment, the doctor was shocked at her weight. Lily's birth weight was 7lbs 13 oz. After four days it was 7lbs and 10oz. He said most babies aren't that close to their birth weight by then, and that I was "super mom". I guess I was feeding her too much, but it got her jaundice to go away super quick! More feedings = more dirty diapers = less jaundice.
We take most of our pictures with Lance's phone, so I don't really have access to them. But here are some pictures...
This was just moments after she was born. Her head is still mushroom-y, but not as mushroom-y as when she first came out.
Lily with her proud papa.
Eric is holding Lily here. This was the day after she was born. Her head is practically normal!
She gives me this face a lot. This is also her "I'm concentrating on filling my pants" face.
This is the cute little onesie I bought for St Patrick's day. I put the head band on for fun, but took it off shortly after since it looked like it was squeezing her head too much.
This is Lily right now. Sleeping all bundled up in a bouncer while I blog.
I love her.
I cry a lot. Mostly about how the person who looks back at me in mirror looks. I wasn't prepared to look like this. I look better today than I did on Wednesday, when I first saw my reflection. Wednesday through Saturday last week were the hardest. I didn't want to see myself. I asked Lance to take down all of the mirrors in the house, and he just laughed at me. Then I cried more. I was serious.
I guess I expected to look about how I looked at Sierra's wedding. Just a little soft around the edges. But no. I looked 7 months pregnant, just squishier, flabbier, and more swollen.
The swelling finally went away a couple of days ago, and I look a little better. But my waistline really needs some work. Due to how "torn up" I was, I'm afraid to start exercising until that really heals. It still hurts and stings sometimes, but I've weaned myself off of all the pain meds that they had me on, and only use the witch hazel and numbing spray now. I'm hoping I can ease into Insanity in the next week or so. I'm thinking about just doing the warm up for the few weeks before my 6 week visit. Then, assuming an OK from my doctor, start Insanity for real at that time. Then hopefully I'll go back to looking normal.
I love baby Lily though. She is so sweet. She's a good baby. I only really hear her cry when Grandma changes her diaper. My mom has really cold hands. Lily doesn't really cry when I change her. She loves to be bundled, but likes having her arms free so they can be by her face. Most of the time when she's sleeping, she sleeps on one of her arms. It is very cute!
At her 4 day appointment, the doctor was shocked at her weight. Lily's birth weight was 7lbs 13 oz. After four days it was 7lbs and 10oz. He said most babies aren't that close to their birth weight by then, and that I was "super mom". I guess I was feeding her too much, but it got her jaundice to go away super quick! More feedings = more dirty diapers = less jaundice.
We take most of our pictures with Lance's phone, so I don't really have access to them. But here are some pictures...
I love her.
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Nursing
I never knew what to expect once Lily was born. But surprisingly, everything feels quite natural.
The first night she was born, I gave my first attempt at nursing, and I was shocked that it came so natural. Dare I say, easy? She was wide awake, nursing, for 45 minutes on each side. I didn't really know how long to let her go, and I didn't have it in me to pull her away, so we just sat there for an hour and a half, bonding. She probably didn't get much after the first 10 minutes, but I enjoyed that quiet, peaceful time with her.
The next day, she slept practically all day. I tried waking her up every three hours, but she'd latch on and then just fall asleep. Clearly not hungry. The nurses didn't seem worried, but after 12 hours we decided to do a blood sugar test to make sure she was OK. And she was. But that night was extremely difficult. Lily was acting really hungry. She'd take the binky, she'd take my pinky, but she would not latch on for the life of me. She hadn't eaten in a long time, so I called the nurse in for help.
The nurse suggested trying the SNS. She seemed to think that Lily was frustrated because she wasn't getting enough to eat. I wanted desperately for Lily to not be so sad, so I tried it, and it worked! I used the SNS system for each feeding that night.
The next day I went to a breastfeeding class that was offered at the hospital. I had gone to one previously, but I figured since this was free, why not? The class was great, and then the lactation nurse offered to come in and give me some tips with Lily. I told the nurse that I had used SNS the night before because Lily wasn't eating. The nurse seemed very upset about that, and said that now it would be hard to get Lily to latch on because she's used to a faster flow.
That kind of upset me, but I welcomed any advice and help she'd give me. When she got to my room, she was upset at how many infant formula bottles were in Lily's cart. That hurt my feelings. If Lily wasn't latching on, and the SNS is what worked, then what's the problem? All the other nurses said everything would be just fine once my milk came in and Lily was actually getting enough to eat.
Anyway, the nurse helped me try some tricks to get Lily latched on, and that worked for a couple of feedings. But later that day, it stopped working. Lily was not happy. So then I tried using the SNS, and I couldn't get her to latch on. Again, several hours of this, and then both Lily and I were crying. I was ready to give up and just use a bottle.
Lance called the nurse in, and when she saw me crying, she felt so bad she was crying too. She helped me get Lily on and everything was fine for that feeding. But this made me so scared to keep trying! It was frustrating and depressing.
We were set to go home that night, and I was just afraid. If I had problems, I didn't have a button I could press for a nurse to come help me.
We got home and I told my mom what was happening. She suggested trying different holds. I'd mostly been using the cross cradle. Mom said that Emilee and Jessica hated every position besides the football hold. So I went upstairs and tried the football hold. Success! Lily went on perfectly and peacefully. Every feeding since then has been blissful.
I enjoy the quiet bonding time that nursing provides. I like it when she falls asleep with such a peaceful look on her face, and pardon this personal note, but with one hand on each side of my breast. It brings me such joy to see her so content and satisfied. I love the little noises she makes when she eats. It's usually a sigh or a growl. The growls are funny. I like it when she's full but awake still pretending to eat. I love how she looks around the room and tries to figure everything out.
As of right now, nursing is going wonderfully. Lily has never had a bottle, and we've not used the SNS system since we've been home from the hospital. She sleeps enough that I don't feel extremely grumpy all the time. I'm surprised at how OK I am with getting up every 2-3 hours to feed her. If I keep her awake and feeding every two to three hours during the day, I can get a good 5 hour stretch at night where she sleeps the entire time.
I don't really like using pacifiers, but I do use one after I feed her if she's semi-asleep, but still wants to suck on something. It usually falls out in about 10 minutes.
I don't want to get too comfortable though. I hear that just when nursing become easy and comfortable, BAM, baby has a growth spurt and wants to eat all the time. That will probably happen this week or next, and I'm ready for it. I want to exclusively breast feed for at least 2 weeks, then I'll start pumping, using this wonderful Medela breast pump that DataWise bought for me. Then Lily can have breast milk in a bottle. I don't really ever want to use formula. We'll see if I can achieve that goal.
The first night she was born, I gave my first attempt at nursing, and I was shocked that it came so natural. Dare I say, easy? She was wide awake, nursing, for 45 minutes on each side. I didn't really know how long to let her go, and I didn't have it in me to pull her away, so we just sat there for an hour and a half, bonding. She probably didn't get much after the first 10 minutes, but I enjoyed that quiet, peaceful time with her.
The next day, she slept practically all day. I tried waking her up every three hours, but she'd latch on and then just fall asleep. Clearly not hungry. The nurses didn't seem worried, but after 12 hours we decided to do a blood sugar test to make sure she was OK. And she was. But that night was extremely difficult. Lily was acting really hungry. She'd take the binky, she'd take my pinky, but she would not latch on for the life of me. She hadn't eaten in a long time, so I called the nurse in for help.
The nurse suggested trying the SNS. She seemed to think that Lily was frustrated because she wasn't getting enough to eat. I wanted desperately for Lily to not be so sad, so I tried it, and it worked! I used the SNS system for each feeding that night.
The next day I went to a breastfeeding class that was offered at the hospital. I had gone to one previously, but I figured since this was free, why not? The class was great, and then the lactation nurse offered to come in and give me some tips with Lily. I told the nurse that I had used SNS the night before because Lily wasn't eating. The nurse seemed very upset about that, and said that now it would be hard to get Lily to latch on because she's used to a faster flow.
That kind of upset me, but I welcomed any advice and help she'd give me. When she got to my room, she was upset at how many infant formula bottles were in Lily's cart. That hurt my feelings. If Lily wasn't latching on, and the SNS is what worked, then what's the problem? All the other nurses said everything would be just fine once my milk came in and Lily was actually getting enough to eat.
Anyway, the nurse helped me try some tricks to get Lily latched on, and that worked for a couple of feedings. But later that day, it stopped working. Lily was not happy. So then I tried using the SNS, and I couldn't get her to latch on. Again, several hours of this, and then both Lily and I were crying. I was ready to give up and just use a bottle.
Lance called the nurse in, and when she saw me crying, she felt so bad she was crying too. She helped me get Lily on and everything was fine for that feeding. But this made me so scared to keep trying! It was frustrating and depressing.
We were set to go home that night, and I was just afraid. If I had problems, I didn't have a button I could press for a nurse to come help me.
We got home and I told my mom what was happening. She suggested trying different holds. I'd mostly been using the cross cradle. Mom said that Emilee and Jessica hated every position besides the football hold. So I went upstairs and tried the football hold. Success! Lily went on perfectly and peacefully. Every feeding since then has been blissful.
I enjoy the quiet bonding time that nursing provides. I like it when she falls asleep with such a peaceful look on her face, and pardon this personal note, but with one hand on each side of my breast. It brings me such joy to see her so content and satisfied. I love the little noises she makes when she eats. It's usually a sigh or a growl. The growls are funny. I like it when she's full but awake still pretending to eat. I love how she looks around the room and tries to figure everything out.
As of right now, nursing is going wonderfully. Lily has never had a bottle, and we've not used the SNS system since we've been home from the hospital. She sleeps enough that I don't feel extremely grumpy all the time. I'm surprised at how OK I am with getting up every 2-3 hours to feed her. If I keep her awake and feeding every two to three hours during the day, I can get a good 5 hour stretch at night where she sleeps the entire time.
I don't really like using pacifiers, but I do use one after I feed her if she's semi-asleep, but still wants to suck on something. It usually falls out in about 10 minutes.
I don't want to get too comfortable though. I hear that just when nursing become easy and comfortable, BAM, baby has a growth spurt and wants to eat all the time. That will probably happen this week or next, and I'm ready for it. I want to exclusively breast feed for at least 2 weeks, then I'll start pumping, using this wonderful Medela breast pump that DataWise bought for me. Then Lily can have breast milk in a bottle. I don't really ever want to use formula. We'll see if I can achieve that goal.
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