Saturday, November 21, 2009


I went to see New Moon tonight with Sierra, Megan, Sheri and Julie.  I enjoyed it very much.  The movie was good.  Way better quality than the first one, and the acting didn't bother me as much.

Edward is still not good-looking enough.

Not that I care, since I'm on "team Jacob".

But then again, I'm only really on "team Jacob" because Jacob is more attractive.  When I read the books I was all for Edward.

Funny how fickle I am.

My friendship with Sierra has been very strained lately.  I'm not sure exactly why.  I still want to be her friend, but it seems so hard these days.  I know that when I have a problem with something the problem is usually with myself, so I need to change myself in order to fix the problem.  But  don't know what to change about myself in order to become closer to Sierra again.

Tonight I just felt... I can't even think of a word for it.  I guess I just felt like she was putting me down a lot.  Putting me down as in bringing up things from the past that I've moved on from, but she likes to bring them up in order to put me down.  Maybe?  I don't really know how to explain it.

It's just hard being friends with someone when I don't know why they're friends with me.  What does she get out of our friendship?  What do I get out of our friendship?  What are friends supposed to get out of each other?  We're supposed to build each other up, make one another feel good about ourselves.  Bring out the best in the other person.  I don't feel like either one of us does that for the other.

So why do I feel like I need her to be my friend?  Is it out of habit?  Just because she's been my friend since Jr. High?  Jr High, a time when everyone is trying to find their place in the world.  A time when we're all changing and developing, and just trying to fit in.  She accepted me back then.  We were equals.  We had things in common.  Now what do we have?

She has a child, I don't have a child.  I am married, she isn't married.  She enjoys fantasy novels, and I don't really like to read.  She likes to get into deep conversations and debates, and I prefer to talk about things without debate and without getting too deep.

So where do I go from here?  I can't just stop being friends with someone.  Who does that?  Unless something major happens where you both end up hating each other.  But come on, really?  That's so Jr. High.

I guess I am just feeling friendless.  I am feeling sorry for myself.  I have Lance, and he is the greatest friend I could ever have.  So why do I feel like I need a friend outside of him?  I should be happy with what I have, right?  I have it good.

So I guess what needs to change about me is that nothing is ever good enough.  I need to learn to be satisfied. 

Now, how does one go about that?

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Thought of the Day

I apologize in advance... it's a negative one.

I'm SICK and TIRED of making people a priority in my life who don't care to return the favor.

I am DONE being a "last resort."

I am DONE being an afterthought.

I am DONE being bailed out on.

I'm just done.

Now what do I do?

Friday, November 13, 2009

Gas Mileage

About a month ago I decided to start obeying a law that I've struggled with in the past.

Pretty much everyone breaks this law, but that doesn't mean that it's ok.

What law am I talking about?

The speed limit.

So now as you're cruising down the freeway, and there's a slow person "in your way", that slow person is me.

Usually I stick to the right lanes, but sometimes there are people going slower than 65mph in the slow lane (trucks, old people, etc.) so sometimes I get into the middle lane, and even the fast lane depending on traffic.  But I don't go over 65.

I'm sure I've made some people extremely angry.  But guess what?  I don't care.

Here are the benefits I've received just by going 5 miles per hour slower than I have in the past.

1. Gas mileage.
This is the most important one!  I drive 90+ miles a day.  Gas isn't cheap.  Therefore better gas mileage = less money spent on gas.
Before I started this experiment, my gas mileage was 33mpg.  Pretty good, right?  Especially considering the size of my car, and that it's NOT a hybrid.  My gas mileage is now 37mpg.   37!!  Beat that suckas!  Odd since my car was advertised as having 32mpg highway.  I totally rule, just fyi.  This means that I now can go between 500 and 530 miles on a full tank of gas, when before it was around 400.  That's one extra day of work!  Seriously, I'm so stoked.

2. Stress.
Are you calm driving down the road, swerving in and out of cars, yelling at slow people in front of you, upset at traffic jams, etc., etc.?  Didn't think so.  I'm completely calm, cruising down the slow lane.... rarely getting cut off, rarely having to slow down (since nobody really drives in the slow lane...).

Guys, come on!  I drive from Provo to 106th South every day!  That's past point of the mountain, AND a few construction zones.  Seriously, if you've been near 106th south, you'll know the construction there is a mess!  Stress free.  Stress free and LOVING it!

3. On time
I have NOT been late.  Except for that one time when there was a traffic jam back to Bangeter....  those stink, and the construction doesn't help.  But being late once in a month?  I think that's good.  Guess what else?  I don't leave any earlier now than I did before I started doing this.

How does that work?  Well it's called being blessed for obeying the laws of the land.

Monday, November 2, 2009

What I Learned

in church this past Sunday:

It's impossible to offend a humble man.
Apologizing brings the spirit.
Saying "I'm sorry" humbles you.
If ye are prepared ye shall not fear.
I need to read my scriptures daily.
Service, service, service.