Thursday, August 30, 2012

Motivation, Or Lack Thereof

I went into the office tonight to train my bestie, Sierra, on some office tasks she'll be helping out with during our "cycle."  It was fun!  She picked it up really well.

On the drive home I got to listen to whatever music I wanted, as loud as I wanted, and it made me want to DANCE!  OMG, dance!  I haven't been to a club in over a year!

Then this super cute girl passed me in her cute car, and it hit me: I've stopped caring about my appearance.

Yeah, I put on makeup, but not even close to house I used to.  I usually smother on some foundation, line my eyes with liner and put on some mascara.  5 minutes tops.  This might be more than what some of you wear, but for me, it's practically nothing.  Especially with how naturally ugly I am, or, I suppose you could say, how much natural beauty I don't have. I used to spend 15-20 minutes on my face each morning.

My hair?  I don't do it.  Shower and go.  I used to spend 15-20 minutes styling my hair.

What happened to me?

If your answer is, "You had a baby."  You're right, I had a baby.  But you're wrong, that's not why I no longer put work into my appearance.  It's because I don't go anywhere.  I don't see anyone.  I stay at home day after day. I hang out with Lily all day, and I work in my cold, dark basement all night. I get a little bit of sleep, then the routine repeats.  Why should I put effort in to how I look if no one sees me?

I need a change.  I'm never going to lose this weight if I don't care.  I'm never going to feel pretty again if I don't try.

So tonight, I'm feeling quite motivated to exercise.

Monday. I will work out.  I will lose weight. I will find my confidence again. And I will go to the club soon.  Very soon.  I will dance out my frustrations, I'll get away from my house, my chores, my crying baby, and I'll feel pretty.

Who's with me?

Road Trip

I used to like road trips.  I have fond memories of piling into my family's red Ford Aerostar van (later a purple Chevrolet Suburban) and driving for long periods of time, stopping only when one was going to pee their pants.  I think that's what made us siblings so close.

I could tell you lots of road trip stories, from songs sang, to games played, to throw up chain reactions.  Good times.

Our trip to San Francisco was with Eric and Katie and Mabel.  We borrowed Lance's sister's Dodge Durango, put some luggage in a zip up thingy on top and hit the road early Wednesday morning.  I had not gone to bed.  I got off work at 3am, and spent from 3am to 4:30am making sure we had everything we needed. At 4:30, Lance and I went to Eric and Katie's house.  We got everyone's luggage situated and pulled out of town at 6:00am.  We were hoping that leaving at such an early hour would make it so the kids would sleep.

Not so.  And me being extremely sleep deprived didn't make the situation any better.  I hope I was nice.  I did get little naps, 10 minutes or so, here and there.

About 30 minutes outside of Reno my suitcase freed itself from the luggage carrier on top of the Durango, fell off our car, and fell onto the road.  The car behind us dodged it, and I watched my bright pink suitcase slide into the median by the fast lane.  Awesome.

This wasn't the first time my luggage has fallen off the car on a road trip.  I'm so lucky!

Eric and Lance went to go get it.  Thankfully they recovered it, it hadn't broken open, and all of my clothing was still safely tucked away inside.

By the time we got to Reno at 3pm, I felt extremely light headed, dizzy, grumpy and everything else you feel when you don't sleep, so Lance let me take a nap.  I slept for two hours, then got up and got ready to go get some food.  I had french toast for dinner. Yum!

We stayed at the Circus Circus.  It was pretty nice.  Nicer than Vegas's!  We all went to bed early, about 8:00.  We had separate rooms at this hotel, so that we could all get as much sleep as possible.  We put Lily on her own queen bed.

She fell off at about 3:00am.  We're such horrible parents.  We knew it was going to happen.  Poor thing.  I think it mostly scared her, because when I tried nursing her to calm her down she immediately ate and went back to sleep.

The next day in the car was horrible.  Lily was fussy the entire day.  When we were finally riding into San Francisco she was screaming her head off.  It was great.

I hope Eric and Katie don't hate us.

The drive home was better, because I didn't put Lily in her car seat.  Lily hates her car seat.  She was much happier being free.  Thankfully we didn't get in a wreck.

Fran Sanny

We went to San Francisco!  It was cool, but I'm a bit disappointed because I didn't get to do everything I wanted.

This is what I wanted to do and see: Alcatraz  Steiner Street Golden Gate Bridge

What we did do:

We ate at a fabulous restaurant called L'Ardoise. I had the goat cheese on a baked apple crouton, Filet Mignon with shaved potatoes, and the "floating island" dessert.  It was wonderful!  The dessert was the most delicate angel food cake I've ever had, drenched in a delicious creme anglais, and it had strawberries and almonds on it.  Lily enjoyed it too. :-)  Lance had the hanger steak.  It was actually better than the filet. I must eat here again.

We went to a baseball game, Giants vs. Braves.  That was fun.  The park is located practically on the water, so as you're watching the game, the ocean is in the background.  It is beautiful, but freezing.


We went to Chinatown, which was kind of lame.  There is a fortune cookie factory there where you can see the ladies fold the fortune cookies, but this guy kind of took my money for the chocolate flavored cookies I was buying and then rushed me out of there.  Lame.

We went to Alcatraz, which was awesome.  I thought it was just a prison, but I guess it was other things too.  Lance and I were only interested in the prison part though, so we went to do the audio tour.  It was awesome, except for the part where Lily cried the whole time, and my audio set freaked out and started playing from the beginning again before I was finished.   I gave up and just walked around after that.  But, it was so totally awesome.

I learned that Alcatraz was a prison punishment.  No one was ever sentenced to Alcatraz, you were transferred there from other prisons if you tried to escape from your previous prison, attempted to harm a guard, or something else that I can't remember.  But basically your original crime had nothing to do with your being sent to Alcatraz.

Hearing about, and seeing evidence of escape attempts was very fascinating.  It's too much to write about here, but, man, some people are brilliant.  It's too bad their brilliance is wasted on law breaking instead of something more productive and beneficial for all of us.

We went to Ghirardelli Square.  It was pretty cool, but... I hated my caramel shake thing. Plus it was freezing and the wind was blowing like crazy, and of course Lily was upset.

Basically Lily was upset the entire trip.  It made things difficult, but I still had a good time.  I'll have to go back again to finish up my to do list. :)

Friday, August 17, 2012

Love Me Some Hair

I got off work at 1am tonight!  WOOHOO!  I should go to bed, right?  Right.

But first... My hair.  It needs a change.

I think I shall go with this hair cut.  It's not super different than what I'm currently rocking.  It's long enough that I won't feel self conscious about my face not being as thin as "normal" for me.  Also, this person's hair is quite thin, which means this will look good on my thin hair.  It has texture, which I love, but it's not too drastic.

Am I over analyzing?  Maybe, if you're not in to hair. :-P  I love hair.  I love changing my hair.  I love trying new things.

I told Kellyanne, my hair stylist, that when I get back to my pre-pregnancy weight, I will let her do whatever she would like with my hair.  I completely trust her.

I'm secretly hoping for this:

But at the same time, I'm dreading that.  It's an odd sensation, really.  I've always wanted to rock a sexy pixie, however, I'm quite self conscious about my nose, and whether or not it is feminine enough to rock a short hair cut.

Super short hair cuts are for people who have girly faces.

But then you look at this model, and she has a strong jaw line, which is kind of a masculine feature.  So, I dunno.  She's hot nonetheless.

Now color...  I've been doing red lately, with some "secret" blonde pieces underneath.  Secret blonde pieces like this, sorta...

Brooke Burke Charvet - Dancing with the Stars Season 14 Episode 16

Brooke has that blonde piece in her hair. I thought that was pretty cool.

I don't think I'll change that.

Well, it's almost 1:30 now, so I'm going to go to bed.  Maybe I'll get 8 hours of sleep!

Oh my gosh, I forgot that it's the weekend.


Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Check It!

Dudes... I'm 19 pounds down. That is a HUGE number!

15 pounds to go... That is another huge number.

Monday, August 13, 2012

Style Rut

That's what I'm in.  I'm in this awkward position of wanting to buy new clothes, but not wanting to shop or see my reflection in the mirror.

Which, by the way is getting better, it is.  But, I still long for my pre-prego figure. *sigh*

I had an epiphany the other day.  I was thinking, "Man, all my clothes are cute shirts and jeans.  I need to change it up.  Maybe when I'm skinny again, I'll change it up."

Then I thought,

"If I'm not willing to change it now, why would I be willing to change it later?"

So, Saturday I went on a quest to change my style.

This was what I wanted:
Ankle length, coral skinny jeans.

So super cute!

Though not exactly in Hanna’s colors, it is the same jacket by the same designer. If my opinion counts for anything, it’s still a great jacket in those colors.

BCBC Max Azria - Natalia cropped Jacket - $160.80

 This jacket is insane, but I absolutely love it.

And a cute lace T-shirt.  I actually already have one, but it's currently too tiny.

Also, I doubt I would ever wear these three pieces together... but I was trying to think out of the box.

What did I end up with?

This top in a nice green color.  And...

And that tank in purple.

Way to go out of the box, Jenn.

Guess What? I have PICTURES!

My baby girl is growing up.  It makes me sad.  She no longer stays in one spot on the floor.  She's not crawling, but she somehow rolls and scoots her way from one side of the room to the other.  I'll put her to bed one way, and when she wakes up she's completely turned around and rotated.  So stinking cute!

Sometimes she does this:

And then when she wakes up she's extremely upset because she can't get her foot back in the crib.  I thnk it's cute... and funny.  She moves around so much when she sleeps, it's crazy.

That toy behind her his wonderful.  She'll wake up and start playing with it, sometimes for 30 minutes before starting to cry.  True story.

She sucks her thumb now too.  Usually she does it when she's trying to go to sleep (self soothing, so nice!), or sometimes while I'm feeding her.  I can't quite figure that one out.  Or if we give her a taste of our food, she'll stick her thumb in there too.  It's pretty dang cute.

I apologize for the decolletage... I try to cover them... really.

She's started jabbering more now.  Instead of just mumumumumum or EEEEAAAA it's like... a language or something. I can't really describe it, but she sure thinks she talking!  If she's in her bouncy toy, she'll shout things at the doggies. Oh my goodness, I love it!  We must get it on video.

The light we're holding is actually a flashlight.  But I like to pretend it's a magic wand.  Lily casts spells.  She's quite good at them.

She's almost able to sit up by herself.  In this picture she had just woken up from a nap... I love her sleepy face!

When she's tired she will just stare at you.  Like the picture above.  I love it.  It makes me want to just snuggle her.

She asked me to paint her nails to match mine.

Ok, I made that up.  But it's cute!  PS: How does my baby have tanner skin than I do?!

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Not Nice

I am not a nice person.

When I read through Facebook posts, I have loads of negative thoughts fill my mind. For example, I just had to restrain myself from telling someone they have a huge ego.

For the record, they do have a huge ego.  And I still want to tell them that.

I often have to restrain myself from posting less than kind remarks.  So many people just rub me the wrong way.

And I'm tired.  I get grumpy when I'm tired.  Who doesn't?

So, Lance joined another softball league this fall after promising me he wouldn't.

(insert less than kind comment here)

Today he called me and said his first game was today.  And that it was in fact two games.

(insert less than kind comment here)

Then he told me his mother would be coming down to watch Lily here while he plays.

(insert less than kind comment here)

I like my mother in law.  I do not like people watching my child while I'm here.  Why?  Because they don't really watch her.  I still have to do everything.  She starts crying and they look at me for help.

Please, just pretend I'm not here.  I don't have time to work and take care of her, hence why I'm working at night while Lance SHOULD be home anyway!

ARRGGH. I could freakin' scream right now.   Why doesn't Lance get it?  Besides, would he want to work, and have my mother come over and be home alone with him and Lily?  I think not.  Why is it OK for him to do that to me?

My plan is to put in my headphones, and REALLY tune out everything.  Seriously, pretend I'm not here.  I might as well be in the office, because that's how much interaction I get to have with my family while I'm working here.

The benefits to working at home?
-Being able to pump while I work and bare it all without anyone caring.
-Being able to kiss my baby goodnight.
-Not having to pack up Lily's things, get her in the car, and drive for an hour to work, to switch off with Lance, who, by the way, gets off of work 15-20 minutes AFTER I'm supposed to have started.
-Not having to drive home at 3am.

I do not get to stop and take a break whenever I please.

Thank you, and good night.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012


The past few weeks have been very hard.

I've been working until 2am or later, then getting up at 8am with Lily.  Three weeks of that, and I was a zombie.

I was probably a zombie after two days of that....

I'm happy to announce that I am off early tonight!  11:30pm, yes!  I can get 8 hours of sleep, maybe more!  This is so freakin' exciting.  AND I have energy to blog.  Hooray!

In other news, that scale has started to budge!  I read that after exclusively breastfeeding for four months your metabolism goes into overdrive.  Awesome.  I feel great!  I still have a lot of weight to lose, but at least I'm feeling great.

I'm kind of sick of being vague about numbers.  I've been vague because I didn't want people to compare themselves to me.  But, I don't really care any more.  After my next pregnancy, I'll want to remember my exact numbers, so the following is for me.

I gained 55lbs with this pregnancy. Starting weight: 128 pounds.  Heaviest point: 183 pounds.  Two days home from the hospital: 177 pounds.  5'3 and 177 pounds.  Now you don't wonder why I cried so much, eh?

5 weeks after having lily: 162 pounds.  That's where my weight loss ticker on my blog starts from.  I didn't think the rest of the weight counted since it came off so easily.  I weighed 162 for three weeks in a row and decided that's where it was going to stay unless I did something.

I've lost 13 pounds since then.  Not much, since that means I've lost 13 pounds in 15 weeks.  I wish I could have been losing 2 pounds a week, or at least one pound a week, but obviously, that's not happening.   So I weigh 149 right now.  Which isn't terrible, but it's still 21 pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight.

If we want to get to my weight when I got married, I've got 30 pounds to lose.  But I'll be happy at 128.  Or probably even 130.  So here's hoping I can get there again, someday.

I have a secret.  Our house is for sale.

I guess that means it's no longer a secret.