Wednesday, March 21, 2012

10 Days Old!

It's been a week and a half since Lily was born.

I cry a lot.  Mostly about how the person who looks back at me in mirror looks.  I wasn't prepared to look like this.  I look better today than I did on Wednesday, when I first saw my reflection.  Wednesday through Saturday last week were the hardest.  I didn't want to see myself.  I asked Lance to take down all of the mirrors in the house, and he just laughed at me.  Then I cried more.  I was serious.

I guess I expected to look about how I looked at Sierra's wedding.  Just a little soft around the edges.  But no. I looked 7 months pregnant, just squishier, flabbier, and more swollen.

The swelling finally went away a couple of days ago, and I look a little better.  But my waistline really needs some work.  Due to how "torn up" I was, I'm afraid to start exercising until that really heals.  It still hurts and stings sometimes, but I've weaned myself off of all the pain meds that they had me on, and only use the witch hazel and numbing spray now.  I'm hoping I can ease into Insanity in the next week or so.  I'm thinking about just doing the warm up for the few weeks before my 6 week visit.  Then, assuming an OK from my doctor, start Insanity for real at that time.  Then hopefully I'll go back to looking normal.

I love baby Lily though.  She is so sweet.  She's a good baby.  I only really hear her cry when Grandma changes her diaper.  My mom has really cold hands.  Lily doesn't really cry when I change her.  She loves to be bundled, but likes having her arms free so they can be by her face.  Most of the time when she's sleeping, she sleeps on one of her arms.  It is very cute!

At her 4 day appointment, the doctor was shocked at her weight.  Lily's birth weight was 7lbs 13 oz.  After four days it was 7lbs and 10oz.  He said most babies aren't that close to their birth weight by then, and that I was "super mom".  I guess I was feeding her too much, but it got her jaundice to go away super quick!  More feedings = more dirty diapers = less jaundice.

We take most of our pictures with Lance's phone, so I don't really have access to them.  But here are some pictures...

This was just moments after she was born. Her head is still mushroom-y, but not as mushroom-y as when she first came out.

 Lily with her proud papa.

Eric is holding Lily here. This was the day after she was born. Her head is practically normal!

She gives me this face a lot.  This is also her "I'm concentrating on filling my pants" face.

This is the cute little onesie I bought for St Patrick's day.  I put the head band on for fun, but took it off shortly after since it looked like it was squeezing her head too much.

This is Lily right now.  Sleeping all bundled up in a bouncer while I blog.

I love her.

Sunday, March 18, 2012


I never knew what to expect once Lily was born.  But surprisingly, everything feels quite natural.

The first night she was born, I gave my first attempt at nursing, and I was shocked that it came so natural.  Dare I say, easy?  She was wide awake, nursing, for 45 minutes on each side.  I didn't really know how long to let her go, and I didn't have it in me to pull her away, so we just sat there for an hour and a half, bonding.  She probably didn't get much after the first 10 minutes, but I enjoyed that quiet, peaceful time with her.

The next day, she slept practically all day.  I tried waking her up every three hours, but she'd latch on and then just fall asleep.  Clearly not hungry.  The nurses didn't seem worried, but after 12 hours we decided to do a blood sugar test to make sure she was OK.  And she was.  But that night was extremely difficult. Lily was acting really hungry.  She'd take the binky, she'd take my pinky, but she would not latch on for the life of me.  She hadn't eaten in a long time, so I called the nurse in for help.

The nurse suggested trying the SNS.  She seemed to think that Lily was frustrated because she wasn't getting enough to eat.  I wanted desperately for Lily to not be so sad, so I tried it, and it worked!  I used the SNS system for each feeding that night.

The next day I went to a breastfeeding class that was offered at the hospital.  I had gone to one previously, but I figured since this was free, why not?  The class was great, and then the lactation nurse offered to come in and give me some tips with Lily.  I told the nurse that I had used SNS the night before because Lily wasn't eating.  The nurse seemed very upset about that, and said that now it would be hard to get Lily to latch on because she's used to a faster flow.

That kind of upset me, but I welcomed any advice and help she'd give me.   When she got to my room, she was upset at how many infant formula bottles were in Lily's cart.  That hurt my feelings.  If Lily wasn't latching on, and the SNS is what worked, then what's the problem?  All the other nurses said everything would be just fine once my milk came in and Lily was actually getting enough to eat.

Anyway, the nurse helped me try some tricks to get Lily latched on, and that worked for a couple of feedings.  But later that day, it stopped working. Lily was not happy.  So then I tried using the SNS, and I couldn't get her to latch on.  Again, several hours of this, and then both Lily and I were crying.  I was ready to give up and just use a bottle.

Lance called the nurse in, and when she saw me crying, she felt so bad she was crying too.  She helped me get Lily on and everything was fine for that feeding.  But this made me so scared to keep trying!  It was frustrating and depressing.

We were set to go home that night, and I was just afraid.  If I had problems, I didn't have a button I could press for a nurse to come help me.

We got home and I told my mom what was happening.  She suggested trying different holds.  I'd mostly been using the cross cradle.  Mom said that Emilee and Jessica hated every position besides the football hold.  So I went upstairs and tried the football hold.  Success!  Lily went on perfectly and peacefully.  Every feeding since then has been blissful.

I enjoy the quiet bonding time that nursing provides.  I like it when she falls asleep with such a peaceful look on her face, and pardon this personal note, but with one hand on each side of my breast.  It brings me such joy to see her so content and satisfied. I love the little noises she makes when she eats.  It's usually a sigh or a growl.  The growls are funny.  I like it when she's full but awake still pretending to eat.  I love how she looks around the room and tries to figure everything out.

As of right now, nursing is going wonderfully.  Lily has never had a bottle, and we've not used the SNS system since we've been home from the hospital.  She sleeps enough that I don't feel extremely grumpy all the time.  I'm surprised at how OK I am with getting up every 2-3 hours to feed her.  If I keep her awake and feeding every two to three hours during the day, I can get a good 5 hour stretch at night where she sleeps the entire time.

I don't really like using pacifiers, but I do use one after I feed her if she's semi-asleep, but still wants to suck on something.  It usually falls out in about 10 minutes.

I don't want to get too comfortable though.  I hear that just when nursing become easy and comfortable, BAM, baby has a growth spurt and wants to eat all the time.  That will probably happen this week or next, and I'm ready for it.  I want to exclusively breast feed for at least 2 weeks, then I'll start pumping, using this wonderful Medela breast pump that DataWise bought for me.  Then Lily can have breast milk in a bottle.  I don't really ever want to use formula.  We'll see if I can achieve that goal.

Friday, March 16, 2012

Lily's Arrival

Sunday morning, after typing up my last blog post, I got dressed and Lance went outside with me to walk around.  We took our little piece of paper that we were writing the contraction times on.

We walked around the grass circle for about an hour.  I could walk and talk through every contraction, so I still wasn't sure that they were "real".  Yes, they were extremely painful, but not so much that I had to stop walking or talking.

We walked around and around and around. The contractions still weren't consistent.  3 minutes, 6 minutes, 4 minutes, 8 minutes.  Finally we went inside.

My mom seemed to think I was in labor.  She kept telling me to just go to the hospital.  I kept saying that I could still walk and talk through them and that they weren't consistent.  The last thing I wanted to do was ride in the car for 45 minutes and then be sent home.

I also have a pride issue.  I didn't want to be "one of those" moms who go in thinking they are in labor and really aren't.

Instead I decided to take a shower and get dressed and put on some makeup and eat something.  Then finally, at about 11:30 AM, my mom talked me into going to the hospital.

I still didn't feel like it was time to go.  But, I asked Lance for another blessing before we left.  It was beautiful.  It made both me and my mom cry.

The ride to the hospital wasn't bad at all.  I put the Boppy pillow on the seat in the car, then put a puppy potty training pad over that, in case my water broke.  It was nice and comfy.  Contractions were still coming 3-5 minutes apart.  They were all really bad, and I was breathing through each one.

I think I texted a few people at this point saying that we were headed in and I'd let them know if I was really in labor or not.  Sierra asked how the contractions felt, and I replied, "Like death."

In retrospect, that "like death" feeling, was nothing compared to what was to come.

We got to the hospital, and I sat in the car afraid to go in.  "What do I say?" "How are they going to react?"

I've heard so many horror stories of women going in because they are in a ton of pain and the nurses are rude to them.  I just wanted to turn the car around and go home.  Instead, Lance walked me inside.  We went in, and I spoke with the lady at the front desk.

"My doctor said to come in when my contractions were 5 minutes apart for 2 hours... it's been 5."  She said, "OK."  Then I think she had me check over some information and stuff.  I had to stop and concentrate for a minute because another contraction had come just then.  Then when it was over I could act like a normal person.  I signed something and then they took me to a room to check me out.  It was much like the non-stress tests I've been getting, except I had to undress from the waist down.

The nurse checked me, and I just worried the whole time.  "I'm probably a 2," I thought to myself.

"Your water could break at any second.  I mean, just my hand being in there could make it break.  You're a good four, four and a half."

It was like music to my ears.  I wasn't quite as dilated as I wanted to be when I got the hospital, but dilated enough that I was in real labor.  And without really thinking I was in labor, too!  She said I could get an epidural at any time and I said, "Let's just see how far I can get."

I was so annoyed being hooked up to the baby monitor and uterus monitor and the IV in me.  I just wanted to be free, walk around, do whatever.  I almost felt bad every time I went to the bathroom and had to unhook the monitors.  And it sucked taking the IV liquid (just salt water) with me every time I had to go.  Which was a lot.

Having to pee makes contractions 10 times worse.  Having them pump fluid into you makes you have to pee a lot.  It was so uncomfortable.

My doctor got there at about 2:30pm to break my water.  She said I was a good 5.5cm by then.  I seemed to be progressing really fast.  Lily's head was dropping and I was dilating and everything was perfect.  Still all drug free at this point.

It went along just fine for another hour and a half.  Then my contractions started getting really bad.  So bad that I could not concentrate on my own, I needed help from Lance and my mom.  It was really nice having them both there.  Lance would rub my back, and put pressure on the perfect spots. He danced with me, he held me, he told me I was doing great. My mom would breathe with me.  But the contractions got so strong that I couldn't focus any more.  The contractions started getting so strong and so close together that I was starting to panic.

At about 4:00 the nurse came in to check me again.  Before she even checked me, I told Lance, "I'm done. I'm really done. I'm done."  I was a 6.5.  I then talked to the nurse about several pain relief options.  She suggested one narcotic that kicked in fast but wore off fast.  She thought that since I was progressing so fast that that option would be great because it would get me through this last little bit.  I thought about it, but felt strongly about getting the epidural.  I didn't want to feel any more contractions.  I was done.  She left to go get the anesthesiologist and then I had the strongest contraction I can remember. I got through it just fine, but immediately after it ended, I panicked.  I started sobbing, hyperventilating, and I could not relax. It hurt so bad and I just wanted it to stop.  I was worrying about the next contraction coming up.  I wanted the epidural immediately, but I had contraction after contraction while I waited for the anesthesiologist.

If you looked at the monitor, the contractions were off the chart, and they weren't waves, they were spikes.  They shot up super fast and came down, and I had no rest.

I had to pee, AGAIN, so I started getting up to pee, just as the anesthesiologist came in.  He said he would come back when I was done.  So I went to the bathroom, had an awful contraction on the toilet, then went back to the bed.  I stayed standing up for a while because the contractions felt better standing.  That's when Lance said, "This will be your last one, you'll be OK."  I just said, "It takes a while for the medicine to kick in.  I'm done, I'm done. Make it stop."

It was another half hour until the anesthesiologist came back.  So that means, I went an hour more without an epidural after I was ready for one.  An entire hour of pain and agony, and panicking, and crying.

When he came back, he got started on putting it in place.  A little stinging here, pressure there.  It was nothing.  When he was done he asked, "How was the compared to the horror stories?"  I just said, "It was easier than a contraction."  He laughed.

From then on I had to stay in bed.  Which I was fine with, as long as the pain stopped.  But it didn't.  It didn't work on my left side at first.

I could tell it was sort of working, because the pain was cut in half, but it was still extremely bad pain on that left side.  So they said to lay on that side for a while to see if it would go away, but it wasn't.  I tried turning over onto my right side.  My nurse had the anesthesiologist come in and talk to me about things he could do to get that left side feeling better.  But at the point, turning on my right side and pressing the button for more medicine made my left side feel all better so I told him it was fine.

Then I felt nothing.  No pressure, no pain.  I could still move my legs, which I was grateful for.  They felt like they were about 100lbs a piece, but I could move them. I didn't want to lose control over them.

I was a very happy, relaxed girl.  I'm sure my mom and Lance were relieved as well.

Then, since I was so close, visitors started coming.

That's when this photo was taken:

You can tell I'd been crying, a lot, but that I look sooo comfortable.  They were about to check me again.  I had been 9.5cm last time.

Guess what?  I was still  9.5cm.  I had a bit of cervix still over Lily's head so they wanted to wait it out to see if it would go away.

I was 9.5cm for two hours.  I don't want to know what that would have felt like without the epidural.  I am so glad I got it when I did.

Finally at 8pm I was ready to push.  Talk about difficult when you can't feel a thing down there!  But eventually I got the hang of it.

After pushing for an hour and a half, they told me I had a fever, so they had to start some antibiotics.  They were worried it might be an infection somewhere.

Then my contractions spaced out to 10 minutes apart.  So, I got to push 3 times every 10 minutes.  That is horrible and slow.

So then they started the pitocin to speed things up a bit.

Remember how I said one medical intervention causes another?  Yeah, that's how this was going.

The nurse said she saw a dime size amount of Lily's head, so I started pushing even harder.  Even though I was exhausted.

My doctor came about 2.5 hours after I started pushing.  She said that since I had a fever, they wanted the baby out within a half hour.  So I pushed harder and harder and harder.  I started to be afraid that I would need a cesarean if this baby wouldn't come out.

Then they told me Lily was posterior, and that she was stuck under my pelvic bone.  My doctor said, "No wonder this is taking so long!  You're doing great pushing, she's just stuck."  At that point, they wanted her out, like then.  So my doctor talked about using forceps to get her out.  I said OK.  I just wanted Lily out. Pain on the left side was coming back.  I could feel pressure and pain with every contraction, which was good, since it helped me push, but bad because it was painful!

I rested for a few contractions, which was hard since I could feel them on the left side (again, not as strong as without the epidural, but definitely painful).  My doctor placed the forceps, and told me I'd push just how I had been pushing.  The contraction came and I pushed, pushed, pushed, and my doctor pulled, pulled, pulled and Lily still wasn't out.

I was so tired and in so much pain, and my doctor could tell.  She said, "OK, let's do this.  We're not waiting for the next contraction."  And I pushed, pushed, pushed and the doctor pulled pulled pulled and then there was this bloody, slimy thing on me that was covered in poo.  Her head looked like a mushroom.  I feel like an awful mother because I was just in shock, and my baby was not cute.  I just kept saying, "Oh my! Oh my!"

Lance cut the cord and then they whisked her over to the table to inspect her and torture her.  I guess she had swallowed some of the meconium. Lance said to me "She has your lips!"

Then the stitching began.  I was pretty torn up.  I won't go into detail, but it took the doctor over an hour to stitch me up.  Between the size of Lily (7lbs, 13oz, 21.5 inches long) and using the forceps... it was really bad.  My doctor had to numb me up again because by this time the epidural was pretty much gone.  In fact, they had removed it because it was empty.  While my doctor was stitching me up, she said that there was no way I could have pushed Lily out on my own.

When she was done stitching me, I got to hold Lily, who was already much cuter than when she first came out.

Lily got her first bath right in the delivery room, shortly after this picture was taken.  I really liked that.  We had planned on Lance filming it so I could see, but I could see anyway because it was done right there!  Lance filmed anyway though, for memory's sake.

She hated it, by the way.

Then they wheeled me to where we'd be staying the next two nights. And the next chapter in our life began...

Sunday, March 11, 2012

40 Weeks Today!

I took a bath last night to relax.  I was so worked up about wanting this baby to come that I was just frustrated that it wasn't happening fast enough.

As soon as I had my first real contraction, I regretted feeling that way.  I thought to myself, "Can I really do this?"  "I'm crazy for thinking I can go natural." "I'm paralyzed and I can't get up."  "I need to cry it out."

Instead of crying, I turned over, laid on my side and prepared for the next one.  I took a deep breath when I felt it coming on, I counted to take my mind off it, and I took a deep cleansing breath after it.  It wasn't as bad as the first one.

It starts with the tightening and aching I've been feeling the past few days... then it grows stronger and tighter until I feel like something is going to break or pop.  The pain spreads to my hips, thighs and my back.  Just when I think I'm about to explode, the pain slowly fades away, then the tightness goes away.  Then I'm left with no pain.

I think I can do this.  I've had them all night long. Some are worse than others.  They still aren't incredibly regular.  I'm going to wait it out at home as long as possible.  But, since I have a 45 minute drive, that might not be very much longer.

With each contraction last night, I expected my water to break at the peak of each one from all the pressure, but that didn't happen.

At about 3am I woke Lance up to time them.  They were about 30 seconds long and coming 4-5 minutes apart.  But we were both so tired, I decided to try to get as much sleep as possible instead of continuing to time them.  I think I got a decent amount between each one.

I've had three since starting this post.  I have to stop, close my eyes and breathe to get through it.  I'm not sure if I could walk or talk during these, as I haven't tried.  I will soon though.  I'm going to put on some shoes and walk around in my backyard here in a minute.

Hopefully today is Lily's birthday.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Little Update

I've had contractions pretty much constantly since Wednesday.  They're mildly painful today, but nothing to cry about.  It's more like an extreme pressure feeling than anything else.

Last night was the first time I was woken up by contractions.  They were pretty bad, but still nothing so bad I felt like it was time to go.

Lost my mucus plug last night.  I was happy about that.  Something I can see that shows I'm progressing.

Contractions have been a steady 5 minutes apart all day today.  We went to the mall and walked and walked and walked, but they're still not painful enough to where I feel like it's time to go to the hospital.

So, now I'm just waiting for them to get painful, or for my water to break......

Parenting lesson number 1: Patience.  Things don't always happen on your time.

I've had two contractions during the time it took me to type up this post.  Still 5 minutes, still just a little achey.

Please, please, please come soon Lily.  I can't wait to meet you!

Here's a gem from Lance:

"Ugh, why can't she just come already?  I just want to know what she looks like.  ...Then we can put her back!"

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Game Over

They stopped.

Who am I kidding?  Of course they stopped.

Oh well.  Maybe tomorrow.

Still Going

I'm still excited, so I know I'm not in "real" labor.  However, I've had 30 contractions in the last 8 hours.  They are getting stronger, longer and now slightly uncomfortable.  Cue the (extremely slight) back pain.

Still bearable. Still exciting. Still no real "pattern" to them.  Some were 6 minutes apart, some 20.

I'm so worried that they are going to stop and I'll have gotten all excited for nothing!

Now I'm headed to make some brownies and then take a walk to drop them off to a sister I visit teach.  I think the standing/walking is a great idea to keep the progressing.  :-D

Come on Lily!


Has anyone who reads this gone into labor on their own?

I've had 6 contractions today so far!  They're pretty consistent (20-30 minutes apart).  Still painless, but at least I'm having them! It makes me very excited.

VERY EXCITED!!! *squeal*

When they're 5 minutes apart for 1.5-2 hours, that's when I'll drive to the hospital.  Or if my water breaks, then I'll take a shower, eat something, then head in right away.

I sure hope it's tonight!  Come on contractions, keep coming!

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

She'll Come When She's Ready

My blood pressure today was 110/71. Lately, my systolic has been in the 130s, so I was shocked when I heard it was only 110! I prayed that Lily would come when she's ready, so I guess that's my answer.  She's not quite ready and doctor doesn't have to force her out of me... yet.

I've made the transition to working from home.  It is lovely!  I still get up at the same time and get ready like normal.  I find it better for my morale if I don't sit in PJs all day.  Also, if I end up having to go somewhere I'm already ready to go!

I feel like I'm just as productive from home as I am from the office.  My only issue is that my printer is sooooo slooooow.  Seriously though, DataWise has spoiled me.  They let me take my wireless keyboard and mouse, so I wouldn't have to struggle with a different one (Why is HOME and DELETE moved around on keyboards?  Seriously.).  They let me take a box of paper, a box of toner, and they offered to let me take the printer that was in my office, but I still had a DataWise printer at home from when I was a coder.  It's faster than the one I had in my office, but not as fast as the one we use to print out the tables that I check.  I also got to take home a set of drawers I used in my office. They also ordered me a mat to put on the floor under my chair so it would roll on the carpet easier.  Oh, and my office chair is a DataWise chair as well.  Basically, I work for the nicest people ever who let me take whatever I wanted.  My desk is even from DataWise!  They let me take it when we moved offices from South Jordan to Draper.  They were just going to get rid of it, anyway. It is so nice!  It has a matching printer stand and drawers as well.  All in all I've got a really sweet set up going on.

I got a pedicure tonight.  It was lovely.  It did not give me any contractions.  In fact, I haven't had any real contractions at all!  I get these extremely painful "cramps" in my bladder.  They do not feel anything like period cramps. They feel like... the pain I felt when I had to have that catheter a couple months ago, but the pain is times 10.  They make me double over.  But they're quick, like a poke, then gone.  I usually get about 4 in a row.  That doesn't sound anything like labor pain to me.  I think maybe my bladder is bruised or something, so if Lily kicks it in the right spot it knocks me down.

Braxton Hicks?  I had more when I was 20-30 weeks pregnant than I have had in the last two months.  I get one, maybe two a day now.

So basically, Lily isn't ever coming out and I'm doomed to be pregnant forever!

Or until the 18th.  That's my tentative induction date.  If Lily doesn't come on her own before then, we're going in after her.

I hope she comes at least a day before that though. I bought her a super cute St. Patrick's day outfit!  She will never hear the end of it if she doesn't come out in time to wear it.  The little stinker.

My mom comes tomorrow!  She'll be landing at around 11pm, so my grandparents are picking her up and she'll be sleeping at their house.  Then Thursday we'll meet in Sandy for a nice family dinner with my grandparents, and Eric, and then take her to her lovely quarters at my house where she will reside for the next month.

Basically, I'm still in a really good mood.  I don't have much to complain about. Lily will come when she's ready and until then, I'll just keep on keeping on!

Sunday, March 4, 2012

My List - Revisited

We got some of our list done! Still have a way to go.

  • Clean downstairs bathroom - no clutter!
  • Organize room for Mom
  • Clean/dust TV room - no clutter!
  • Vacuum stairs
  • Organize kitchen "junk" counter - no clutter!
  • Sweep/mop kitchen floors
  • Pack hospital bag - put in car
  • Put car seat/stroller in car
  • Clean/organize upstairs bathroom - no clutter!
  • Hang up decor for Lily's room
  • Wash Lily's bedding
  • Organize dresser in my bedroom - no clutter!
  • Do laundry - Finish laundry
  • Unload/load dishwasher
  • Hand wash dishes
  • Get home office/desk ready and organized

I didn't have time for a pedicure.

I have this problem where I need to clean things before I clean things.

Let me explain...

I got out our vacuum, realized it was full, so I emptied it.  Then I thought it would be a good idea to take it all apart and clean the filters.  Our vacuum has washable filters, so it was a breeze.  However, drying the filters took all day. I rinsed them at about 11am, and at 5:30pm they were still super wet, and it was time to go to my nephew, Kyle's birthday party.

Remind me to clean the vacuum AFTER I clean the house...

We also put together this ADORABLE bassinet that we are borrowing from Lances sister, Nicole.  I am so in love with it.  It is so delicate and beautiful and makes me really want this baby to be here so I can put her in it.

And here's a picture from last week when my little brother, Jared came over for dinner...

Saturday, March 3, 2012

No Motivation

Here's my list of things to accomplish between today and tomorrow, in no specific order:

  • Clean downstairs bathroom - no clutter!
  • Organize room for Mom
  • Clean/dust TV room - no clutter!
  • Vacuum stairs
  • Organize kitchen "junk" counter - no clutter!
  • Sweep/mop kitchen floors
  • Pack hospital bag - put in car
  • Put car seat/stroller in car
  • Clean/organize upstairs bathroom - no clutter!
  • Hang up decor for Lily's room
  • Wash Lily's bedding
  • Organize dresser in my bedroom - no clutter!
  • Do laundry
  • Unload/load dishwasher
  • Hand wash dishes
  • Get home office/desk ready and organized

But really, all I feel like doing is getting a pedicure.

If I do everything on this list, do you think it will put me in labor?

Thursday, March 1, 2012

One More Week

My last visit to the doctor went well.  My blood pressure is "borderline high" so my doctor said we can keep waiting it out instead of inducing me.

It's so worrisome not knowing what is going to win.  Blood pressure, or natural labor?

Today was painful.  Very painful.  It hurts to walk.  It hurts to sit.  It hurts to stand. It hurts when Lily moves. A minute ago, I swear I lost feeling in my legs.  Maybe Lily's head found a lovely nerve to rest on.

I'm still sleeping OK.  I've woken up in the middle of the night a couple of times and not been able to go back to sleep.  Usually I go have a midnight snack, use the restroom then go back to bed only to lie there until the sun comes up.  It's not too bad though.

Tomorrow is my last day in the office.  I'm a bit excited.  It will be interesting next week, working from home.  Good to get the kinks out before there's a little one, I suppose.  Lance and I are worried about me driving to my appointments next week.  I told him not to worry.  What's a better way to not focus on labor pains than trying to not crash the car?

We have only halfway packed our hospital bags.  I'm lacking motivation this week.  Last week I was getting tons of stuff ready.  This week I haven't made dinner a single time.  I'm out of clean clothes that fit.  Not that it takes very many days to run out of clean clothes that fit... but I don't feel like doing laundry.  I'm down to three pairs of pants that fit, barely.  I kept feeling like my belly was hanging out of my top today.  I should probably purchase bigger clothes... but, for 1 more week?  Meh.  I'll wear Lance's pants and hoodies.

I always imagined myself a cute pregnant lady who wore cute clothes and heels all the time.

Which I was, until a month ago.

One more week.... just one more week.