Thoughts

I don't post deep, or even semi-deep thoughts on here very often.  There are a few reasons for that.

One is that I think nobody cares about what I have to say.  If there is something that I am passionate about, I am probably the only person passionate about that certain subject.  Now, I know this isn't true, but at the same time, I don't like going to people's blogs and reading them if all they are posting are deep thoughts that I can't really relate to.  I get bored and usually leave the blog before finishing the post.  I prefer to read about simpler things.

Another reason is because it's not my personality to be "deep".  I don't take things too seriously.  I like that about myself.  I can step back from a situation and tell myself to get over it because it's not that big of a deal when you look at the big picture.

This being said, I've had some things on my mind that I don't really know any way to get them out other than to blog about it.  So in advance, I apologize if you don't care, if you're not interested, or if you're annoyed.  You can feel how you want, and you can navigate away from my blog.

I've been questioning my testimony of the church lately.  I keep asking myself the question, "Do I really have a testimony?"  After much thought I've come to find out that my testimony is a lot stronger than I like to let on to people.  I don't like to get too into my testimony because I tend to get emotional.  Yep, I'm a cryer.  And to stay away from crying, I stay away from sharing or thinking about my testimony.

Recently... Ok so over a year ago, some close family friends left the church.  At first I was shocked.  These were people I had looked up to.  People who I loved to be around.  The mother of the family was once my Young Women's leader and her lessons always helped me to feel the spirit so strongly.  When I was having a really, really hard time in high school, she took the time to take me out to lunch and to talk to me.  She understood how hard it was for me to talk to my mom about what was going on, mostly because my mom never truly understood me, or at least I felt that way at the time, and this woman knew I felt that way.

Shortly after their leaving of the church I would hear little pieces of what shook their testimony, and it seemed like they were trying to get others to follow them.  It seemed so strange to me, how can you go from being a strong church member, to hating the church?  Hearing the things they say gives me mixed emotions.  I feel personally attacked, like I'm doing something wrong for believing what I believe.  It's like they're trying to get me upset and to argue about religion with them.  Of course, I never have, I usually just shrug it off and let it be.  But the thoughts always stick in my mind and I think about how I know what they are saying isn't true.  Their fall out from the church has actually increased my testimony.

Sometimes they'll post things like "Us Christians believe ___."  Half the time it's what I believe too but just a bit off, and I don't understand why they feel the need to distance themselves from the real truth.  The thing that has hit me the most is that they now believe that you can do whatever you want and you can be saved.  In part, that is true.  Jesus died for us all, the murderer and the saint.  But, wouldn't you rather be the saint?

Let's say the church isn't true, hypothetically speaking.  Even if it isn't true, what's wrong with being the best person you can?  What's so wrong about following Jesus by showing love to others, serving others, and obeying the commandments?

I think it comes down to them not feeling like they were ever good enough, and now they've found a religion that tells them they are.  To me, it sounds like your house caught on fire and instead of doing everything in your power to get out unscathed, you just sit in the flames and wait for the firemen to come.

Familiar Feeling

The soreness set in a few hours after I did the fit test yesterday.  I didn't walk as funny as last time, but we'll see if that changes after today's workout.

The warm-up is once again hard.  I can get through the warm-up circuit one full time before I have to stop.  I am not able to increase my speed/intensity with each circuit, yet.

Bentley is my personal helper.  She sits on the couch and watches me, and near the end of the workout when I collapse to the ground to stop for a break she comes right over in my face to give me kisses.

Water is my best friend.

In the winter when my house was 50 degrees it was harder to start, but easier to keep going to stay warm.  Now that my house is 72 degrees it's easier to start, but harder to keep going because it's so warm.

Stretching feels soooooo gooooood.

Take Two

Some people at my work are doing a Biggest Loser type weight loss competition, and although I'm not really participating, I thought I'd show my support by doing Insanity again.  So, here are my first day fit test results.  It's been three months since I finished Insanity and some of these results are better than my first day last round, and some are worse.

Switch Kicks: 38
Power Jacks: 37
Power Knees: 75
Power Jumps: 20
Globe Jumps: 7
Suicide Jumps: 10
Push-Up Jacks: 13
Low Plank Oblique: 38

So.. there it is.  I'm posting this as motivation to improve my reps on each move.  I'm also going to attempt to commit to the diet better.  5 meals, 300 calories.  One of the recipes they've given is like a sandwich inside of a tomato.. sounds delicious, but there's no way I'd ever get Lance to eat that.  So, I'm making food that works with my diet and if he doesn't like it he can find something else to eat.  Yep, tough love.  This isn't a restaurant.

 I don't have a way to track my weight anymore because we sold our Wii Fit, but that's ok.  I'll just go by how I look and feel, since I'll probably just gain weight.

Disrespected

Our neighborhood is getting vinyl fencing put in this week.  Yay, that sounds great!  But the guys putting it in have no respect for our property.

Soda cans, empty fountain drinks, and empty spray cans are scattered all over our yard.

They've decided to use our property as the  "holding place" for all of the materials, thus making it so we can't use our basketball hoop.  Why our yard?  We didn't give permission for that.

They took out our neighbor's huge tree, but left tons of wood shavings all over our lawn, which looks like it is killing our grass.

Today we go outside to our grill and find that the gas is turned on, and the grill itself is dirty, like it has been used recently.  Lance always scrubs it right after he grills something.

This is not right.  Part of me feels so disrespected.  How can you treat someone's property this way?  How can you justify using someone's grill?  Not only that, but leaving it on?  What if our house blew up?  Then what?  Is there a way we can prove that they are the ones who used it?  The other part of me is pissed off.  I want to yell at someone, but I don't know who to yell at.  I'm torn between being patient and hoping they'll clean it all up and calling the guy in charge and giving him an earful.

I've worked customer service and it sucks.  The last thing I ever want to do is chew someone out or vent to them.  But this is too much.  The grill was the last straw.  I can't handle this.

Project: Improve House

We've decided that we need to improve some things in our house, just for overall beautification.

1. Stain deck                            Start Goal: June 25
I know nothing about staining wood... nothing.  I assume we need to clean the deck really well with a pressure washer (do you know where we can rent one of those?), and then stain it using whatever color of stain we want, brushing it on in the direction of the wood grain.  Any objections?

3. Paint walls                           Start Goal: July 9
This one isn't so scary.  Painting doesn't take a lot of knowledge, I don't think.  I want to use Behr brand, the kind with the primer already mixed into it.  The fewer coats I have to paint the better!  I don't know if you've seen my house...  I have base boards, chair rail and crown molding, so painting my house will take quite some time, I think.  Especially with how many places we have to tape.  But, I know in my living room area I want to paint from the chair rail down a bright red, and from the chair rail up a beige-brown color.  I think it will look hot!  Then my kitchen I want a sage-green.  Everywhere else I'll just do all the beige-brown color.  I don't want to get too fancy, because obnoxious colors can turn off buyers in the future.

2. Re-stain wood floors            Start Goal: July 30
Again, I know nothing of staining wood.  This one I assume we clean our wood floors very, very well, then sand them down to remove the leftover polish from the last time our floor was finished.  We have no idea how long ago that was, but I'm sure it's been forever.  Then we polish/stain our floor using either oil based or water based stain.  I'm thinking of using a semi-transparent, so it doesn't hide the natural wood patterns.  I don't know, I'm clueless.  The last thing I want to do is ruin my floors!!

It's hard to give up my weekends, but I'd really like to get started on making our house more beautiful!  If you have any advice for me, please let me know!