Change

Change is scary.  But it's also good.

I have given in to the requests of Donni, one of the partners at DataWise, and I will be working at night starting Monday.

On one hand I'm extremely relieved.  If I had one more day of Lily screaming all day while I tried to work I probably would have quit my job.

I almost did on Thursday.

On the other hand, I'm terrified.  I like to think I have a pretty good reputation on the day shift.  I'm the person who seems to know everything about every project.  I'm the person who can track down an email from a random client from two weeks ago.  I'm the one who has the company schedule pristine clean and sparkly perfect each day.  I don't know what my reputation is on night shift.  Do I even have one?  Will I be any good at what they do?

Since coming back from maternity leave it just hasn't been the same at work.  I had to train someone new on the schedule.  The schedule, the one duty that I loved with all my heart, was taken from me.  It was so painful to train someone on how to take care of my baby.  Each mistake I saw was another stab to my heart.  Tasha is that lucky trainee's name.  And I feel bad for her having to be trained by me.  I am so completely obsessed with perfection that I'm very OCD about the schedule.  Every single day for the past six weeks I have given her lists of things to update and fix on the schedule.  Even if they don't really matter in the big picture, they mattered to me.  And now the schedule is hers to change and do with what she wants.

I'm scared to work at night.  I worked at night for a few months back in 2007.  It just didn't work out for Lance and me at that time.  I couldn't stand being home all day, bored out of my mind, then right after he got home I would leave for the night.  Seeing your brand new husband for 30 minutes each day is not enough!  But life happens and things change.  We expanded our family by two feet (nyuk nyuk nyuk), and now I feel this will be the best way to make sure Lily gets the care she needs.  And to make sure I don't lose my mind. And to make sure Lance isn't greeted grumpily by his stressed out wife each evening.

I think working at night won't be as bad this time as it was years ago.  I'm working from home, so I can talk to Lance all I want.  We can still eat dinner together.  I'll have Friday nights off, so we can have dates or family outings.

I'm excited to be able to stay at home with my baby all day.  I'm excited to make an official schedule for us.  We'll go on walks, we'll have play time, snack time, learning time and nap time.  I'll be able to take care of my house!

Oh my goodness, my house.  It is in desperate need of attention.  I don't remember the last time it was vacuumed.

Don't judge.

This fall at DataWise is predicted to be the most busy cycle we've had, ever.  Night crew will be extremely difficult from September to November, but I'm excited.  I'm ready to join this new team at work and offer up my talents in any way possible to make it the best cycle ever.